I still haven't decided what this post is going to be about either.
I'll go with some stuff that I wish I could tell people to their faces without repercussion.
I don't give a shit that you have your doctorate, nor do I care how long you've been teaching. You're always late to my lesson, then you spend 15 more minutes talking about stuff that isn't important. Maybe if I had a full lesson length I would have gotten more done last semester. My trumpet isn't a piece of shit "on a budget trumpet" as you call it, nor is it unsuited for a college environment. As much as you piss me off, you're possibly the only professor that even comes close to "getting" me. But telling me that I have to follow in the footsteps of others is not what I do, and I'm not going to waste my time learning what lots of other people did and didn't do. You say there's no such thing as a "self-made man". My answer to that is this. Somebody had to do it first. Somebody had to leave all these footprints at one time or another.
You look creepy. Like you look really fucking creepy. Nobody gives a shit about you and your frisbee, and you almost make it uncool. You can't pull off long hair, and saying that you want your hair to be longer than mine makes you sound pathetic. The bulk of the trumpet section hates you because you made us all get bad overall grades in our lessons because you just "learned" solos that you already knew, and the grades were based on whoever had the most points defined the "100%". I know at least 6 of us told you to stop, and you kept going.
I'm super glad that things have gone the way they have, despite how difficult it can be sometimes to make things work on both ends. You say one thing, but your body language says another. I think it shows what you're really thinking. I don't mind that much, but I'll resent you if you just drag me around. You've got some issues, which doesn't help things overall, and I'm holding a grudge against the person that caused these issues, because they'll never know how much of an ass they were. But at the end of the day, you're more important than pretty much everybody in my phone contacts.
What goes around, comes around. Do and say what you want now, but the wheels will always keep turning, and if you keep acting like you do, then your future is going to suck balls. If you'd go back to the person I remember meeting, I feel like I'd go back to having the friend I though you were.
I entirely regret getting involved with you. It all looked great at first, but it turned out to be more harmful that I ever would have guessed. It was back during the time that I never left my phone, and never left a message un-replied. I wish I had never replied to anything from you.
That's about it.
These are just random sentences. They are what they are, short and sweet. Not going to try to turn them into full-fledged ideas.
Morals are more set in stone than ever. College opened my eyes to how fucked up people really are sometimes. I've realized that even at my worst, I was never really that bad. Anderson has made some things really amazingly sharp, that or I've grown into what was already there. I'm quick to judge people now, and I've been spot on almost every time. I've gotten funnier, because it's impossible to get people to laugh there, but I'm still trying for some reason. Some days, I don't even know that college is for me, but that's what is expected of remotely smart people. I hope I'll be happier at Ball State, but I don't know that I'll be able to cope with becoming just another face in an even bigger crowd. I'm really glad that I have a private room in Anderson, because I've gotten really good at having a normal sleeping pattern and I feel like a roommate would mess that up. I want to be a big deal in the music world, but I really don't feel like that's what I'm meant to do, at least not on the trumpet. I like singing, but I lack enough confidence to be really good. It's easier to fake being confident on the trumpet, you just play louder. I don't have a clue in hell what I want to do with my life. I want money and fame, and it's in me somewhere. I thought about being a teacher before I really knew much about jobs, and then I wanted to be a chef, and then I learned more about working hours, and then all these adults started to nudge me into being a teacher, and now I don't know. Big turn off from being a teacher is the kids that I hate. It's not like being nice to them for maybe 10 minutes or something, it's being nice to them the whole time. And I know I'd be super biased against young republicans. I think I could be a theatre teacher, but it seems like students grow to hate them. I could never pull off a serious or dramatic role, be it tv or film. I'm made to make people laugh and enjoy themselves. Romantic comedy is like as serious as I think I could go. I wonder if it would be possible to be a professional high school student? I remember I was really good at that. I wish my parents had let me play more spots when I was little. They let me play basketball and baseball, but I'm talking contact sports. I would have been disgusting at football, in a sickly awesome way. I'm sick of being home, I don't know what I'm expected to do while I'm here. I had a feeling that today was going to suck, and then you of all people texted me, I'm in a good mood to last for a few days now.
I guess I spilled enough for now, though I never answered my own question at the top of the post.
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