It's the last day of the year, and I'm writing for the third time. It's not a great record to break, but for a long time I was in a place where I didn't need to write. Winter break brought up a lot of things that I forgot about though, and I don't feel like I've got anybody to talk to about them, so here I am.
Over the summer I worked in a hotel full time, and it was the best and worst job I've had in my life. I've had jobs where I got along with my coworkers, but never a job where I became invested in them as people, not until Marriott. I knew I was only there for the summer and that my days were limited, but I was planning to stay on and work during holidays, stay with those connections and those people, build my career with a great company. I knew my managers were largely full of shit, most people are but just don't get the chance to prove it, but when they got the chance to prove it, they sure took it. I'll always remember my last day, I got to work like normal to find our front desk staff asleep in a booth and a guest standing there awkwardly because he was the only staff on the property before I got there for my breakfast shift. I ended up getting him fried that day. I'm sure I caused a ripple effect, because he was dating someone from the dinner shift who happened to be the daughter of the assistant manager. This guy also was the brother of an employee who was moving from the dinner shift to the breakfast shift because they're unable to keep people in the morning shift. My general manager also overheard me saying that she gets in the way in the kitchen, she addressed myself and my coworker in an extremely unfair and one-sided manner, not talking with us but rather talking at us, and seemed offended with I forced myself into the conversation to defend myself. A good manager would have taken that opportunity to find out why her employees think she gets in the way and how she could change that.
Despite all of that, I was still going to go back because of a few coworkers who I was close with, only to find that two things had happened. First, most of those coworkers finally had their fill and left the property, only two people I enjoyed remained. Second, they terminated me back in October without giving me any notice. So I am currently between a couple options; I've been researching what rights I have in regards to my termination, toying around with what a suit of a wrongful termination would get me, how to contact HR without having my employee account because I need to know the grounds of my termination, and if I should do my best to drop a bomb on them with the evidence of countless forms being forged during the time that I worked there. And this whole thing is just a drop in the bucket of life experiences.
My room at my parents house is still decorated as it was during my time in high school, posters from musicals, senior pictures, books that haven't been touched in years, all relics of another life and another person. It always invokes from intense memories and nostalgia, both good and bad, but next time I'm home for a long time I think I'm going to put a lot of that stuff away. Some people like to think that they haven't changed since those times, other people can't express how much they've changed, and I don't think either of those is correct nor incorrect.
Over break, I realized just how few people I am still connected with that I at one point considered to be family and there wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for them, and I think I need to break those ties I have remaining with most people, some temporarily and some for good. Most of those ties, it's more of a burden to keep them than they're worth, I didn't think I would ever say it, but break made me realize how much most of those people don't know me anymore. There are only two people at this point I don't think I need to break off from my life, and it's because they've been a constant part of my life and we've been involved with each other growing into adults. It just blows my mind when people who see me maybe 5 times a year for one evening, d
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Christmas in March
So turns out, that this is only the second time I've managed to post this year- kind of pathetic seeing as it's the last week of March, but what are ya gonna do about it?
I think this year is going to be a really good year to do some personal growth and realization, or at least that's what it's been thus far.
Note to Self, the men's a cappella group, has been getting mixed results, sometimes operating like a finely tuned(pun) machine, and other times operating like a bunch of snowmen in July(not a pun). I do my best to lead them in the best way that I know how, but it's hard when my right hand man is busy with his own academia, my music director doesn't agree with 75% of my methods, and my PR director is just MIA half the time. Not to mention that while most of the group really likes me, there's those few people that think I'm a total idiot, shouldn't be in charge, and do seemingly everything possible to be a disruption during rehearsal and force a spotlight on themselves. But all in all, the group is running much better than we were a year ago, and things look hopeful.
My classes this semester all turned out to be the kind of classes that are largely based solely on exams and projects. At one end, it's nice that I never have homework, but it sucks in that I am NOT a good test-taker, and my GPA this semester will likely reflect that. But it gives me plenty of free time to do other little projects.
I'm not really talking to my parents right now, it's kind of shitty actually. They never really got the chance to learn how to be parents of a child that's moved away from home because Julie never actually really moved away from home. As it turns out, they're really bad at it. They don't really know anything about my life right now, such as my struggles within Note to Self, what my classes are like, who my friends are, nor any detail about my romantic life. They just simply don't bother asking me, and I've told them that's why I'm mad at them, because they simply ignore me on the rare occasion that I come home for a weekend. When I got home for Spring Break, they were in the middle of a movie. My dad was legitimately mad that the movie had been paused for more than three minutes and started complaining- talk about knowing where you stand in the grand scheme. And then he has the nerve to act all sad when I leave and tell me how great it's been having me home. It's just gotten really bad, and I'm not looking forward to being home for the whole summer.
I can also say that I think I've experienced a broken heart for the first time in my life, it's not a fun experience, and it really just sucks fucking balls. Talking to someone daily for over four months, and intermittently for 2 years prior, and then just not talking to them whatsoever, just getting a cold shoulder, well it hurts and it's miserable and it's pretty damn hard to just not hate everything around you.
I guess it goes without saying, that after that last paragraph, that I was also in love. I still love her, that's what love it, and I guess love is also pain, patience too. It was the kind of love that just kind of hits you in the face, that she's your best friend and she's been right in front of you for years now. The first person you tell about good and bad news, the first person you think to tell about your day in the evening, the first person you think about when you wake up, that kind of love.
Aaron is showing me his counterpoint for next week, I didn't think it was that hard at first until he explained that he's singing one clef and playing piano on the other clef, I assumed he was playing piano on both parts, in which case it didn't look that bad. He also wanted to be mentioned in this post because he's such an avid reader of my blogs about my life haha.
I'm supposed to be doing community service hours, but I haven't done any in the last month, and I kind of don't know what to do about it, I kind of guess that I'm not going to do anything about it because I can't get any hours by Friday because all of the weekday hours fall during the times that I have classes.
Lately the world has been throwing my choice of major back into my face, and that all of my placement tests keep putting me in music and education. It's hard to dismiss it time after time, and I really think that I would enjoy being a media productions or possibly a composition major, especially considering that I've spent the better part of the last three days completely submerged in an arrangement that I've been working on. I've got songs plugged into audio programs to change tempo and pitch and a piano to my right so I can play along and then notate it into Finale, it's a really sweet set up and I honestly could do it for days on end, it's possibly the only positive aspect of my life right now.
In large, I'm pretty shitty right now, mentally I might be in the worst place I've been in for several years, but I'm not into the whole daily medication thing, regardless of what bullshit my doctor tries to feed me about them, so I'm just rolling with the punches for now, waiting for the sun to finally come out and for my life to come around. Until then, I'll keep trudging along as I do.
I think this year is going to be a really good year to do some personal growth and realization, or at least that's what it's been thus far.
Note to Self, the men's a cappella group, has been getting mixed results, sometimes operating like a finely tuned(pun) machine, and other times operating like a bunch of snowmen in July(not a pun). I do my best to lead them in the best way that I know how, but it's hard when my right hand man is busy with his own academia, my music director doesn't agree with 75% of my methods, and my PR director is just MIA half the time. Not to mention that while most of the group really likes me, there's those few people that think I'm a total idiot, shouldn't be in charge, and do seemingly everything possible to be a disruption during rehearsal and force a spotlight on themselves. But all in all, the group is running much better than we were a year ago, and things look hopeful.
My classes this semester all turned out to be the kind of classes that are largely based solely on exams and projects. At one end, it's nice that I never have homework, but it sucks in that I am NOT a good test-taker, and my GPA this semester will likely reflect that. But it gives me plenty of free time to do other little projects.
I'm not really talking to my parents right now, it's kind of shitty actually. They never really got the chance to learn how to be parents of a child that's moved away from home because Julie never actually really moved away from home. As it turns out, they're really bad at it. They don't really know anything about my life right now, such as my struggles within Note to Self, what my classes are like, who my friends are, nor any detail about my romantic life. They just simply don't bother asking me, and I've told them that's why I'm mad at them, because they simply ignore me on the rare occasion that I come home for a weekend. When I got home for Spring Break, they were in the middle of a movie. My dad was legitimately mad that the movie had been paused for more than three minutes and started complaining- talk about knowing where you stand in the grand scheme. And then he has the nerve to act all sad when I leave and tell me how great it's been having me home. It's just gotten really bad, and I'm not looking forward to being home for the whole summer.
I can also say that I think I've experienced a broken heart for the first time in my life, it's not a fun experience, and it really just sucks fucking balls. Talking to someone daily for over four months, and intermittently for 2 years prior, and then just not talking to them whatsoever, just getting a cold shoulder, well it hurts and it's miserable and it's pretty damn hard to just not hate everything around you.
I guess it goes without saying, that after that last paragraph, that I was also in love. I still love her, that's what love it, and I guess love is also pain, patience too. It was the kind of love that just kind of hits you in the face, that she's your best friend and she's been right in front of you for years now. The first person you tell about good and bad news, the first person you think to tell about your day in the evening, the first person you think about when you wake up, that kind of love.
Aaron is showing me his counterpoint for next week, I didn't think it was that hard at first until he explained that he's singing one clef and playing piano on the other clef, I assumed he was playing piano on both parts, in which case it didn't look that bad. He also wanted to be mentioned in this post because he's such an avid reader of my blogs about my life haha.
I'm supposed to be doing community service hours, but I haven't done any in the last month, and I kind of don't know what to do about it, I kind of guess that I'm not going to do anything about it because I can't get any hours by Friday because all of the weekday hours fall during the times that I have classes.
Lately the world has been throwing my choice of major back into my face, and that all of my placement tests keep putting me in music and education. It's hard to dismiss it time after time, and I really think that I would enjoy being a media productions or possibly a composition major, especially considering that I've spent the better part of the last three days completely submerged in an arrangement that I've been working on. I've got songs plugged into audio programs to change tempo and pitch and a piano to my right so I can play along and then notate it into Finale, it's a really sweet set up and I honestly could do it for days on end, it's possibly the only positive aspect of my life right now.
In large, I'm pretty shitty right now, mentally I might be in the worst place I've been in for several years, but I'm not into the whole daily medication thing, regardless of what bullshit my doctor tries to feed me about them, so I'm just rolling with the punches for now, waiting for the sun to finally come out and for my life to come around. Until then, I'll keep trudging along as I do.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A Year in Review
So I've really dropped the ball on this whole blog thing, despite that I see it on my bookmarks every since time I log onto my computer.
It's officially 2013, another year has come and gone, as well as another threat of apocalypse, and many fine memories. I should back track though, seeing as it was Halloween when I last posted anything.
I don't recall anything to fantastic happening over Halloween weekend. It wasn't a bad weekend, went to some solid parties, nothing too insane though. I think I'm unfortunately growing out of the whole party thing. They're fun and all, but I don't think I've ever gone out to a party and just had a killer time.
The way I look at drinking and the things that you do, is that they're things that you want to do while your sober, but your inhibitions stop you. So if you end up making out with 5 guys at a party and you blame it on being drunk, you're really just a whore and don't want to admit it. Or if you drunk text the same person every time, you're either into them, or they're one of your best friends, or possibly both.
But the idea of just going out, grinding on random girls that I'm likely never going to see again, most of them really not that attractive in my opinion, it's just lost it's enjoyment. I don't want anyone to get me wrong, I can certainly hold my liquor and have a good time, but more and more I'd rather just spend that time with a smaller group of people. The last few times I've gone out, it's been with 12 or less people, most of whom I knew previously, and I ended up having a really solid time.
Unfortunately, I'm getting side-tracked with a tangent like I usually do.
November was incredibly fast, as was December, so I'll touch on some highlights.
Thanksgiving break was really good. I came home as promptly as I could of course, and got to see some people that I hadn't seen since summer or longer. I ended up working on Black Friday which was actually a lot of fun to me. I work inventory, so I wasn't actually out on the floor dealing with customers, and for a large portion of my shift I was sitting in the back room eating pizza and playing monopoly on my phone just waiting for someone to page me on the headset asking me to check for a size in the back room. I ended up really having a good Thanksgiving break, I just can't quite describe why.
Statesmen had our usual weekend jam packed of Christmas concerts, complete with a double concert Sunday. Funny story about that second concert. I was out in the lobby waiting for our turn to go on stage with a friend, Marc, and we kind of ended up missing the whole second half of the concert by mistake. It was really not actually a huge deal and is actually kind of funny, but I still feel a little bit bad about it.
Note to Self hosted our first Holiday Concert with Ladies Choice and In the Mix, and it went really, really well I think. There were plenty of snags and such, but there were simply too many cooks in the kitchen when it came to planning it, and I wish the other groups I was working with would have just shut up and let me run things considering my group was hosting, and all the paperwork had been done by me and it was my name on the dotted line. But that's in the past, it was a solid learning experience, and I'm just looking forward to this coming semester, where I hope that things will run a bit smoother.
I actually did really pretty well this semester in my classes, exams are always kind of brutal, but I finally feel like I have a good hold on my academic work again. I ended with A, A, A-, B, B-, C+, and one lovely D. I'm not proud about getting a D, but considering I was in a panic about not passing the class at all, a D will work just fine for me, especially because I won't be doing anything else with accounting while I'm in college.
Our football team ended up having a great season, and got invited to play at the Beef O' Brady bowl in St. Petersburg, Florida. So I was home for a grand total of 2 1/2 days before making the trip back up the Muncie, just to just packed onto a bus to head to Florida. We stayed in a resort right on the Gulf of Mexico which was really cool, and we actually had a fair amount of free time to just do as we pleased. I went swimming in the ocean, stargazed on the beach, played my trumpet in the ocean, got caught in some incredibly torrential downpours walking back from dinner one night, and got to spend some quality time with some of my best friends, the trumpet section. Unfortunately, when it came time for our football team to show what they're made of, they didn't bring their A game, and we left the dome with a loss 38-10, but it was still a free trip to Florida.
This winter break has really just been tops too. Christmas just flew right by, but that's what happens when I get home 2 days before Christmas and I work two over-night shifts leading up to it. Right after Christmas, we got a ton of snow in Indiana, so it actually feels like winter and not like last year. Largely, I've just been spending quality time with people I don't get to see very often, and this has possibly been one of my favorite breaks ever.
But as much as I love being home, I think I'm about ready to get back to Muncie and resume my life. My best friends both leave on the 3rd, and talking to them as they start to pack up has kind of sparked the mentality that I need to start packing up and getting ready to leave as well, despite that I've got three days longer to stay home. Jessi goes back home to New York, and Tim is leaving for Germany for a semester abroad. It's a bummer about Tim, because while even though I didn't go see him or anything, it was always a possibility, but not while he's in Germany. And New York hasn't gotten any farther away, it's just a logistics thing.
I think I've covered a good amount of the last 2 months of my life, and I'd hate to waste the day sitting at my computer typing too much longer, so I'll wrap things up with a salute to 2012, and a hopeful beginning to 2013.
It's officially 2013, another year has come and gone, as well as another threat of apocalypse, and many fine memories. I should back track though, seeing as it was Halloween when I last posted anything.
I don't recall anything to fantastic happening over Halloween weekend. It wasn't a bad weekend, went to some solid parties, nothing too insane though. I think I'm unfortunately growing out of the whole party thing. They're fun and all, but I don't think I've ever gone out to a party and just had a killer time.
The way I look at drinking and the things that you do, is that they're things that you want to do while your sober, but your inhibitions stop you. So if you end up making out with 5 guys at a party and you blame it on being drunk, you're really just a whore and don't want to admit it. Or if you drunk text the same person every time, you're either into them, or they're one of your best friends, or possibly both.
But the idea of just going out, grinding on random girls that I'm likely never going to see again, most of them really not that attractive in my opinion, it's just lost it's enjoyment. I don't want anyone to get me wrong, I can certainly hold my liquor and have a good time, but more and more I'd rather just spend that time with a smaller group of people. The last few times I've gone out, it's been with 12 or less people, most of whom I knew previously, and I ended up having a really solid time.
Unfortunately, I'm getting side-tracked with a tangent like I usually do.
November was incredibly fast, as was December, so I'll touch on some highlights.
Thanksgiving break was really good. I came home as promptly as I could of course, and got to see some people that I hadn't seen since summer or longer. I ended up working on Black Friday which was actually a lot of fun to me. I work inventory, so I wasn't actually out on the floor dealing with customers, and for a large portion of my shift I was sitting in the back room eating pizza and playing monopoly on my phone just waiting for someone to page me on the headset asking me to check for a size in the back room. I ended up really having a good Thanksgiving break, I just can't quite describe why.
Statesmen had our usual weekend jam packed of Christmas concerts, complete with a double concert Sunday. Funny story about that second concert. I was out in the lobby waiting for our turn to go on stage with a friend, Marc, and we kind of ended up missing the whole second half of the concert by mistake. It was really not actually a huge deal and is actually kind of funny, but I still feel a little bit bad about it.
Note to Self hosted our first Holiday Concert with Ladies Choice and In the Mix, and it went really, really well I think. There were plenty of snags and such, but there were simply too many cooks in the kitchen when it came to planning it, and I wish the other groups I was working with would have just shut up and let me run things considering my group was hosting, and all the paperwork had been done by me and it was my name on the dotted line. But that's in the past, it was a solid learning experience, and I'm just looking forward to this coming semester, where I hope that things will run a bit smoother.
I actually did really pretty well this semester in my classes, exams are always kind of brutal, but I finally feel like I have a good hold on my academic work again. I ended with A, A, A-, B, B-, C+, and one lovely D. I'm not proud about getting a D, but considering I was in a panic about not passing the class at all, a D will work just fine for me, especially because I won't be doing anything else with accounting while I'm in college.
Our football team ended up having a great season, and got invited to play at the Beef O' Brady bowl in St. Petersburg, Florida. So I was home for a grand total of 2 1/2 days before making the trip back up the Muncie, just to just packed onto a bus to head to Florida. We stayed in a resort right on the Gulf of Mexico which was really cool, and we actually had a fair amount of free time to just do as we pleased. I went swimming in the ocean, stargazed on the beach, played my trumpet in the ocean, got caught in some incredibly torrential downpours walking back from dinner one night, and got to spend some quality time with some of my best friends, the trumpet section. Unfortunately, when it came time for our football team to show what they're made of, they didn't bring their A game, and we left the dome with a loss 38-10, but it was still a free trip to Florida.
This winter break has really just been tops too. Christmas just flew right by, but that's what happens when I get home 2 days before Christmas and I work two over-night shifts leading up to it. Right after Christmas, we got a ton of snow in Indiana, so it actually feels like winter and not like last year. Largely, I've just been spending quality time with people I don't get to see very often, and this has possibly been one of my favorite breaks ever.
But as much as I love being home, I think I'm about ready to get back to Muncie and resume my life. My best friends both leave on the 3rd, and talking to them as they start to pack up has kind of sparked the mentality that I need to start packing up and getting ready to leave as well, despite that I've got three days longer to stay home. Jessi goes back home to New York, and Tim is leaving for Germany for a semester abroad. It's a bummer about Tim, because while even though I didn't go see him or anything, it was always a possibility, but not while he's in Germany. And New York hasn't gotten any farther away, it's just a logistics thing.
I think I've covered a good amount of the last 2 months of my life, and I'd hate to waste the day sitting at my computer typing too much longer, so I'll wrap things up with a salute to 2012, and a hopeful beginning to 2013.
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