Apples and Cinnamon

That's the flavor of oatmeal that I'm eating right now, apples and cinnamon, instead of being in my food prep lecture today. It's about meat products, which isn't in my area of expertise, but I can just skim the book later.

So it's Halloween, how the hell did that happen? Seriously, I moved back to Muncie like 2 weeks ago. But I guess that means I have a lot to catch up on.

Marching band has been going really well, though I personally feel like pretty much all the enthusiasm from band camp is gone. It's understandable, but it's weird to think that there's only 1 home game left in the semester. We're bowl eligible now, and we just need one more win to be guaranteed a bowl game, which means marching in the snow!

My classes are just ok. Accounting is just of having its way with me, and my Political Science Research Methods and Data Analysis is on that route too unfortunately.

Right now I'm sick for like the 6th time this semester. Pretty much I'm sick for two weeks, healthy for about half a week, and then sick for another two weeks. It really sucks.

Note to Self is doing really well. We competed in the Homecoming talent showcase and got first in our category, and third overall. I'm currently planning for our concert at the end of the spring semester, as well as performing in Westfield as part of a high school outreach/recruitment thing. My list of music to arrange just never ends, and it's a clear fact that I'm the only one in the group who can arrange singable music.

OH!! THIS IS EXCITING!!! I'm on board with a company based in Arizona called Vemma, and I'm on the initial team of 5 to expand into Indiana. We've got a similar team in Michigan who are about 10 months ahead of us, and they're inviting us up there to spend a weekend doing some team building stuff, and as long as we can get there, they're paying for all other expenses. This looks like it could actually be a really good career opportunity, so I'm super excited about it.

I'm kind of running out of things to talk about, and I want to go take a shower, so that's what I'm going to go do.

Whole Grains of America

It dawned on me that I managed to neglect this for the entire month of August. To be fair, August didn't really exist between work, trying to finish an English course, packing, and then band camp leading right up to the start of the semester.

I'm living with Aaron this year, it's a drastic change from Peter last year. I'm in the exact same room I was in last year as well, and as of now I like the set-up, but we're still missing the futon which will require even more rearranging.

My summer wrapped up nicely, though there were several things I meant to do but didn't get around to, but I suppose that's life. Band camp was fantastic, and I'm kind of surprised I ended up saying that, but I really feel like I ended up bonding with the section really well. On a side note, there's roughly 33 trumpets right now, we literally got a brand new trumpet just today, 3 weeks into the semester, it's fantastic.

BSU football looks really good this year, our game against Michigan last week was killer.

Note to Self just wrapped up their auditions tonight and I announced the roster on our facebook page. I'm really excited, we got some really good guys who auditioned this year. I'm doing a ton of arranging for them this year too, as well as In the Mix, the vocal jazz group I'm in, and Ladies Choice, the women's a cappella group.

Classes are going pretty well for me so far. I'm down to the point where I'm only taking things that pertain to my major now, which is nice, and my major is like 93% female. In my food prep class, I'm one of two guys. HOWEVER, my lab group is a bunch of morons and I have to do everything when we're in lab on Mondays and Fridays. They couldn't even sift flour. As I found out though, is that one(possibly two) of them have a learning disability, and they flat out said that they're going to be watching a lot during the labs instead of helping. It's frustrating, to say the least, considering that I was almost able to switch lab groups.

This last weekend was Labor day, and I got to go with a dear friend to a wedding. Unfortunately, there was no alcohol at the reception, so her and I went and split a bottle of wine and a pizza later that evening. Only the classiest for the two of us haha.

That's about all I've got for now, I'm running out of ways to put off doing homework.

Something Worth While

Nothing drastic has really changed that much in day-to-day life.
My portion of Indiana finally got some rain.
I got my picture of The Eiffel Tower during it's construction reframed and hung in my room.
My clock from England is back on the wall too.
Work is pretty much the same.
Oh, and I started a new blog, The Drunken Gamer, you should go check it out!

No Doubt released their new single a few days ago, titled Settle Down. I was really relieved that they stuck to their roots and didn't sell out to appeal to a Pop Top 40 crowd, no offense to that crowd at all because that's my crowd too.

I'm really looking forward to being back at school, like more and more each day, home just isn' the same.

I really don't have much else to say other than you should go look at my new blog.

Odd Ends

I keep saying that I'm going to turn this into something of actual value and not just a place where I bitch about my life. I mean, I'm still going to bitch about my life a ton, but I'm hoping to interject some valuable stuff now and again too.



Summer. Well, I've got just under a month of summer left before I move back up to the wonderful Muncie IN. If you've not been to Muncie, you're not missing a terrible amount of things, as it lives up quite well to the stereotype, but around Ball State it gets pretty nice.

Being back home where you grew up is nice, but actually thinking about it is kind of depressing, ya know? It's like, hey, here are all the places and had fun and grew up and stuff, they haven't changed much, but they aren't as much fun anymore. Like I went to one of my favorite parks on the 4th of July and my favorite part was the really large open field. And of course being home is always filled the memories of old friends and old jokes, and things that are super great and important to you, but I mean, what's really the point of trying to relive them? You can't, people change, stuff stops being funny, that's life.

For those that follow my daily life adventures on the twitter scope and on Facebook, earlier this summer I was looking at three jobs and having a ton of money. Well thanks to the drought nobody is doing any landscaping work, myself included, and I've stopped doing anything with College ProPainters, and now I'm getting the crap hours at American Eagle, getting like 4 1/2 hours a WEEK. While that's super lame, I'm at least selling stuff on eBay.

That's basically my home life. That stuff, working out, Brosday Group, which is just me and like two other guys that get burgers and see a movie like once a week, and then my online classes. My home life is kind of boring, and I'm really, reaaaaally excited to get back to Ball State, this is my first year returning to a college for a second year, it's oddly exciting not having to start all over new.

And for those that don't know, though if you're reading this you should know, I love baking, and I'm actually studying Food and Hospitality Management with a minor in Entrepreneurship and Political Science, and I'm planning to open my own bakery, The Steele Oven. See, it's clever because Steele is my last name, get it? Well anyway, those plans are coming along really well.

Unfortunately, thanks to the unreasonable heat, I've done next to zero baking this summer, though I've done a lot of recipe research and I've got a good handful that I want to try. One friend is encouraging me to keep working on a bacon cookie, though my previous tries haven't gotten me anywhere, and I found some recipes based on girl scout cookies that I'm eager to try as well.

And unless you've been living under a rock all summer, you've heard about Carly Rae Jepsen. I got a hold of her other songs to see if she was just some kind of one-hit wonder, and turns out she's not. She's got an EP out with 5 songs call Curiosity, and she's got some pipes, at least more than I was expecting, and I'm really curious and hopeful to see where she goes from here. Personally, I hope she goes for more of the Pop Top 40 hits and stays aimed at youthful adult type people, and doesn't shoot for a pre-teen idol, because I've got her on the fence based on her EP. But it's totally worth a look, it's not often that a smash hit comes out of the blue from an unknown and she's got the potential to put out more!

Summer Drags On

So pretty much half of what I said in my last post turned out to be false, Bret fucking bailed on me as my workout partner, AFTER I went and signed up for the gym membership at the place that he liked and suggested, so now my gym is all the way down on fucking 86th street, and I have no workout partner. If it's not clear, that really bothers me. I thought Kaylee might be one of the people I ended up seeing more this summer, nope, I've got a feeling that I might see her two or three more times, but that's fine with me. She changed a lot after a year at IU, and she's not really the Kaylee I was friends with, so it doesn't bother me that much. Tim is still gone, Collin is still working a ton and now spending every free weekend up at Purdue, so I see him on Tuesdays only which is kind of disappointing, and I feel like there's some bro-codes being violated.

I've got two jobs this summer, one I love and one I hate. I love working at American Eagle, I like the work that I do, I like the people I work with, I really like my bosses, I just wish that I could get more hours. My job with College ProPainters is miserable. My title is Marketing Manager, but I'm nothing more than a door-to-door salesman, and I'm working in some really low income areas and these people couldn't care less what their house looks like, and I've made exactly 0 dollars from that job. I'm making some fair cash on eBay, nothing awesome, but about 120 so for.

And thanks to me not getting enough hours so far, I'm spending about 35 dollars more a month than I'm making, and it's looking very bleak that I'll be able to scrounge the money to get to New York. I had to scrap the train ride idea, it would take me like a day and a half via train to get there. The tickets were more expensive, and then I've got like a day and a half of food to purchase on a train.

We're in a mega-drought right now, but it's at least cooled off finally outside so it's a little more bearable to be outside. Because of the 90+ degree heat, I didn't do any work with ProPainters for like a week and a half, I just couldn't handle outside. But this mega drought has translated into no storms to enjoy, and everything I've tried to plant dying.

For like 2 years now, I've been trying to get my parents to let me do a ton of work in the back yard, and I finally made plans for a brick patio and got my mom completely on-board. My dad however is a moron, and has no interest in spending money on something like that, he didn't even want to spend money so that I could go purchase weed and feed for the lawn, complaining that we put two bags down last summer. The fucking idiot doesn't realize that it's something that really needs to be done like every 2 months, and our yard needs just shy of 4 bags. So I'm pretty sure that the brick patio is out of the question now.

This is shaping up to be one of the worst summers ever basically.

The Storm of Summer

I got home like 4 days ago, and I'm actually already kind of tired of home. Maybe I'm just forgetting about the adjustment period of being back, but so far this just really isn't suiting to me. My bed for one is just not working at all, last night I didn't fall asleep until close to 7:30 AM, and I was up around 10.

It is however good to be back with all my high school friends, even though I feel like I'm never going to see them. Tim leaves the day after his 21st for his internship for like two months, and I probably wont see him again until one of us visits the other or there's a break that we both go home for, because I'm probably going to be leaving on the 10th or 11th of August for Ball State. Collin decided to get a job this summer, which is great and all, but he works like 12 hours a day Monday through Friday and every other Saturday, starting at 7:30 in the morning. That on top of him being the most whipped individual I've ever encountered, I don't expect that I'm going to really see him this summer because even last night, when his girlfriend isn't even back in town, he ditched us for her. I'll actually end up seeing Bret probably no less than 5 times a week since we're gonna workout together starting this week. I'm looking forward to having a workout partner, it gets so boring when you go by yourself. And I assume Kaylee will keep herself plenty busy as always, but I'm expecting she's one of the people I'll see the most this summer. Then there's the handful of college friends as well that I'm hoping to get together with, but that's just like maybe once or twice over a whole summer. And I'm going to go up and spend a few days with Jessi up in New York this summer, I'm entirely decided on that, and I'm planning on taking a train either to or from, because I think that would be really awesome.

All I've really done so far is clean and do yard work. I'm gonna go in today and talk to David at American Eagle and get my hours going so I'mm have some income.

Holding Back

This is going to be one of those posts that I look back at and mostly regret, I already know it.

So. The section leader lists came out today, and there was a name missing from it.

The trumpets get three section leaders, and while it was obvious who two of them were going to be, I sincerely believed it was going to be a coin flip for the third person.

So right now, I'm stuck between continuing to not comment on facebook or twitter about the section leader choices, artificially congratulating everyone, and openly saying that I think the absolute wrong choice was made. Luckily, this is not facebook or twitter, and I'm going to say exactly what I would if Dr. Vondran were to ask me how I felt about the choices.

While I respect you(Dr. Vondran) an immense amount, and I have faith that you know exactly what you're doing, I think you made the absolute wrong choice by picking Alec, and I'm going to do everything possible in my power for the next two weeks and next fall to prove that I was the better choice to work alongside Jared and Nick, and hopefully around this time next year, you look back and remember this conversation, as well as my attitude and work ethic though the fall 2012 semester.

Yeah, I did tell people that I was fairly confident that I would get the position, because if you don't have confidence if yourself then you sure as hell aren't going to get it, I also commented that I felt it really was a coin toss between him and I.

Alec on the other hand, decided to talk trash about me to my roommate for next year, who has been awkwardly distant the last few weeks, and possibly other people. That I'm a bad musician, unfocused, passive-aggressive, and that he's "100% sure that John wont get section leader". Additionally, he spoke poorly of one of the guys who was going to get the position without a doubt.

What were some of the negative things I said about Alec? He whines, a lot. I feel like anyone you ask would agree with that. What else did I say? Nothing in fact. Who did I say it to? Anyone who asked me my thoughts on who would get picked, not singling out people that are close to him.

I'd like to talk trash about Alec right now, as he saw fit to do about me, but I'm going to stay above that, it wont reflect the outlook that I have in life, nor speak well on behalf of my character. Instead, I'll end with a quote from one of the to-be section leaders, it's actually quite inspiring.

"I'm not going to march next year unless I get section leader."

-Alec Burke

That's the mentality of a true leader if I've ever seen one.

ASTEROIDS: THEY WILL KILL US ALL

That's actually the title of a paper I'm writing about impending doom around 2184, when a sizable asteroid is expected to cross paths with our lovely little blue planet. If I would actually start writing about it instead of finding ways to distract myself, it would be a pretty legit paper.

So as I found out, I could Actually be home for summer two Mondays from now. Yes, my summer break starts in April and I'm quite excited.

So!! I was in Atlanta last weekend with the Statesmen, which was so much fun. It was one of those eye opening moments that happen now and again that make me realize I want to do nothing but perform. While we were in Atlanta, it got around that there was an a cappella group among our larger group(minus two people), and we were asked to perform on that Friday, it was so much fun. Saturday night we rode back to Muncie all night, got back about 9:30 in the morning on Sunday, concert call time at 1:30. And while it was nice to be back in a familiar area and a schedule I know and can control, man I really just want to go perform more. Oh, and Katie surprised me and was able to come up to see my concert on Sunday, but she couldn't stay super long so we just got a quick dinner after, nothing too exciting.

I'm going down to IU this weekend. It's Little 500 this weekend, which was a fortunate coincidence, because this was like the only weekend in the last few months that I would have been able to manage going down there.

I took almost a week off in between workouts, with going to Atlanta and all, and damn did that set me back. Cardio was totally fine, but I haven't been able to really lift with my upper body since Monday. Like yesterday, I thought I should be alright, but I barely got in the position and started to hurt. And on the flip side, I've done lower body for four days now and am totally fine, no soreness at all despite raising my max weights, including maxing out the possible weight on one machine.

AND! In my personal finance class, where the professor had surgery and we've had a random sub for like a month and a half, the final project for the class got dropped, AAANNNNNDDDDD he said that he was going to put a massive curve on the final exam so that everyone would end on a high note because of how much the class got messed up. We seriously stopped learning any of what we were supposed to be learning. So that's pretty sweet. Pretty much, the rest of my semester is this paper I'm putting off, two astronomy worksheets, and my exams.

There's really not much else to mention, or at least a ton that I would mention on here.

Life is pretty good, I'd have to look for reasons to complain. I'm ready for the semester to be over, but not ready to be home, it's an interesting mix.

Sidewalk Drawings

Ok, so it got super warm like just over a week ago, like 80 degrees in mid-March. And as much as I love every kind of weather, especially rain and thunderstorms, thinking it was summer was kind of fantastic. But I live in Indiana, and like two nights ago we were under a frost advisory, and then the next night the low was 57, and now it's fantastic outside again.

I'm beyond ready for summer right now, but what I'd really like is to have summer happen, just have everyone stay on campus just like normal for a week or so, because it's going to be weird going home for 3 months and not seeing these people.

I've got plans already for this summer, thankfully. American Eagle has offered, well mentioned that the position will opening up and they'd prefer that I got it, a position that's gonna allow me to work for more than just the floorsets where we change the inventory, I'd be doing inventory and stocking the whole day long, which I would love. I'm also hoping to be working with a landscaping company that a friends family owns.

That's two part-time jobs with some killer advantages, 50% employee discount at American Eagle, and getting paid to work outside all day is employee benefit enough.

I'm also going to be doing two 90-day workout programs at the same time, P90X and Shaun T's Insanity workout, both of which are kind of the same thing, and have awesome reviews. I might ask Collin if he wants to do them with me, since he's constantly trying to get ripped and we've been talking about it for like 3 years now, like when we were gonna join the football team senior year.

This summer I swear I'm going to learn to rollerblade, hopefully get better at tennis too.

But I've sat around long enough, time to go do something that's not just sitting indoors.

Writing In Stone

Screw writing things in stone, write them in the sand, it's much less permanent.

Day one back on campus after an interesting spring break, which I will now summarize.

Thanks to my mom, I failed to get the living room all painted, it should have been a two day project, three days max. Spent a week on it and it got maybe half way done. But they paid me 80 bucks all the same for everything I did, because I did paint the whole ceiling and clean through all the air vents which likely hadn't been done since the house was built.

I got to give my puppies a bath, and they were super stinky. Despite that I hurt my back in the process, that was one of my favorite things that I did at my house. It's one thing to say goodbye to people for months at a time, because they understand and you can still talk to them, but dogs don't quite get it, and talking to them over the phone only confuses them. I know Raven has really stressed out this year. Last year I was home so often, it was rare that I went 2 weeks without spending a few good hours playing with her, Jack too. There was one weekend last semester after it had been probably 2 1/2 months since I'd been home, she got out of the back yard, and after running around for like 20 minutes, I was alone in the garage swearing because all the bike tires were flat, and she just comes running in the garage right up to me, seeming quite proud that she had finally found me. So I played with her hardcore that weekend and my mom said that she was super relaxed for the next two weeks and well behaved. But now I'm off topic as always and not talking about my spring break.

I made and ate 6 pounds of fruit salad all by myself.

I got to make lots of cookies and muffins, though my oven got sick so I had to call off the pies and new peanut butter-based recipe I dreamed of.

Drank 5 separate nights.

Got to spend an awesome night with a friend from New York whom I don't get to see often enough.

Spent several hours debating with someone wether it would be a good idea to ingest glitter or not, because I wanted to put glitter in a shot we were thinking of to represent a Golden Snitch.

Got to go to a few of my favorite places in my hometown area, all of them being parks go figure.

Accidentally ate over 7,000 calories in a single day.

Still ended up loosing another pound over break.

And thought a LOOOOT about my future, which is a good segway.

In just under 3 months, I'm going to be 20, and while I love my birthday, it's really starting to freak me out. I've acted like an adult for longer than I know, and I'm legally an adult too, and while being 20 doesn't change thaaaat much, it's called Twenty, not Twentyteen. The bulk of my defining life has been lived as a teenager, and I don't want to stop being a teenager, like ever, I understand it too well. Come fall, I'll be starting my 3rd year of college, and this crap of me floating around between 6 different majors just can't keep going on.

I auditioned for the musical theatre department, and while I think I did an ok enough job for my audition, I feel like it's a coin toss wether I'm going to get in, a coin toss that isn't in my favor, because that's totally possible.

I am happy to say that I think I have three, maybe four probable options that will be my life plan once I graduate, and these are in no particular order.

1.) Find out that I really do have a nack for performing and acting, move out to LA, and begin my acting career. Spend as long as two years living on ramen noodles and vodka in my apartment with either Chandler and/or Jae. Finally get cast in the role that gets my career rolling, become a global heart-throb, have more money than I know what to do with, dedicate a large portion of my free time to helping with two issues that I feel very strongly about, Falling Whistles and environmental protection and reform. Maybe meet a sweet lady along the line, have four kids, they'll be pretty cool.

2.) After taking a few entrepreneurship classes, find out that it's really what I want to do, minor instead of major in theatre, take restaurant management classes, graduate. Move back with my parents for a few months while I look for an apartment not too far. While looking for an apartment, apply for the proper bank loans to purchase a location, renovate it for my needs, talk to Tim and Q about being my initial employees/partners, Q for PR and to work the front counter, Tim to help run the money and help in the kitchen, and open The Steele Oven. It'll be a rough year or two, and my living standards will be minimal because it can take two years or longer to make a profit, but in the end The Steele Oven will become a very popular bakery, which I will later expand to also feature cafe drinks. After opening several locations, I will contemplate partially selling out my ownership of the company, as I intend to have a family, and need more personal time to myself to take care of my life. I wont be rich beyond belief, but money will never be a problem.

3.) I can't justify moving out to LA or opening The Steele Oven, so I continue my education at the IU Law School, studying intellectual property ownership. I'll be shit broke after like 9 years straight of school, but my parents wont mind having me home now and again to mooch a good meal and to do laundry, I'll help around the house too, taking care of the yard now and again as needed and surprising them by driving up to shovel the drive early in the morning. Once I finish law school, I'll go take the bar exam, which I can't imagine having any trouble with, and I actually want to take it in the next year or so just to know what I'm up against, and who knows, I could get lucky and pass it and be a lawyer by 21. I'll most likely stay in the Indianapolis area, because there's a lack of patent and copyright agents in that city. The money will be really good, and I can work from home 3 days a week.

4.) I fall in love with an amazing lady, she's got a fantastic career lined up for herself that will be more than enough income to live off of. We get married, probably after I graduate, start a family. I'll find work while she's on maternity leave, most likely with a landscaping company assuming it's the correct season, and it'll be easy to come and go as pregnancies do. I'll gladly opt to be a stay at home dad and raise the kids, because while I had the potential to go out and be the money maker, the opportunities panned out for her first and she has a secure, well providing job. I'll love waking up each morning and making a fresh breakfast for the kids, getting them off to school, working outside while I'm home alone, tending to the awesome yard I've been working on for years. And I'll be crazy happy.

There's an infinite number of things that could happen with my life, and I know I don't have the control over it that I like to think I do, but sometimes it's fun to pretend.

SOOOO, now to day one back on campus.

Of three classes, I got really bored during the second one, otherwise it wasn't bad.

Revamped my eating and workout habits for the rest of the semester, cut another 400 calories from my daily intake, I actually would have been crazy under if I hadn't found the bottle of Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew in my fridge and decided they needed to be drank haha.

Worked out tonight, but only did half an hour instead of an hour. I have to say that I was quite satisfied, being able to see definition in my arms without flexing, good way to start my new nutritional plan.

Got lunch with the standard group, Chris, Hannah, Tarryn, and... I have no idea how to even start spelling his name....... But anyway! I really like these guys, they're cool!

I have an exam that I need to take online before Wednesday, an exam that I will be able to take on Wednesday, an extra credit paper due Wednesday, and another exam Next Wednesday. I'm oddly not worried about this haha.

It's almost midnight, Peter has been in bed for like an hour already, I'm getting a little sleepy myself. I can't decide if I want to make my bed, or if I'm going to be alright just sleeping in my sleeping bag like I did last night, it was actually kind of fun, though I'm going to use an actual pillow haha.

Twenty Paces Due North

I'm currently on Spring Break, and it's just not really what I need right now. I can't stand just sitting around without having some kind of objective or something to take up my free time. It goes back to me never learning how to just do nothing. I've had an alright spring break so far, I just feel like I'm totally wasting it though.

I left campus a day early, so I was home on Thursday, I just kind of spent that night chilling out, getting settled back in. Friday I ran some errands and then played magic with the game preserve dudes. Saturday I kid of flailed around looking for something to do once I found out that I wouldn't be going to IU for the night, ended up at Butler and downing a full bottle of rum on my own. Got back home in the afternoon mildly hungover. Helped my sister move some stuff over to her apartment, it's...... well it's an apartment, and she's finally moved out of the house, so there's not much else I can say. Spent that night at Ariels house, ignored the fact that my tolerance is only a fraction of what it used to be, but I can still shoot vodka like a champ, so long as I've got some cranberry juice to chase it.

My ego has been kind of sky-high the last month or so, it's actually quite dangerous in my opinion, the last two nights did nothing to put a limit on my ego either, but I feel like talking about that n my blog only adds to the fact that my ego is largely inflated right now. Between my a cappella group being oddly in love with me, compliments I get from strangers, and the random compliments I get from my friends, like "You have really nice feet, most guys don't have nice feet", I just can't even pretend to be modest right now, but I'm done talking about it now.

So I'm home, and I was going to make a bunch of cookies tomorrow, and muffins in the morning. Well, my oven is sick. I turned it on to preheat and a few minutes later, it's just billowing out smoke. I can't bake cookies in a smokey oven, it just wont work.

I've gotta go around and fill out applications for summer jobs this week too, I really need a job.

I kind of ran out of things to say a lot sooner than I thought I would, so I'm just gonna get back to arranging music now.

Four Deep

So, I'm sick. I've spent the last day and a half or so in what I like to call a drug-coma, there's not been anyone home, even remotely. Today I've run a pretty constant temperature of 100, which is kind of drastic because I usually run cooler than normal when I'm not sick, about 98.1. After last night, where I would have sworn you could have fried an egg on my forehead, I went to the campus clinic today. I don't know why I haven't gone there before. I mean, with my insurance card, I have a 20 dollar copay, and pay like 10 bucks for most prescriptions. But I didn't have to pay for the campus clinic, it was kind of awesome. I mean, I spent like an hour and a half there, but that saved me a fair amount of money, like half a tank of gas.

But anyway, being sick always does interesting things to me, and this time is no exception. I've been particularly bitter at everyone and everything, it's awesome. I almost deleted my twitter too, that was weird. I got sick of people commenting on how I was "retweeting every brotip" when in reality, of the 500+ that I read, I retweeted like 10. That really kind of pissed me off more than it should have. But whatever.

I'm going home again tomorrow for just a day or so because I need to grab my dance shoes and whatnot for my auditions next weekend.

It all seemed like an awesome idea, but pretty much every time I get close to declaring my major, I'm starting to freak out, because I don't want to close any of my doors, I like them all wide open. Oh well, that's my own dilemma to deal with, whatevs.

Familiar Places

Tonights post comes to you from the dorm room of Josh and Tony of Anderson University. This isn't the first time that I've taken a return to the campus since I left for Ball State, but it's the first time that I've really taken in just how much has happened since I was here.

Being back, the first thing that always hits me is the smell, AU has a VERY distinct smell to it, and it's not the most pleasant thing in the world. A lot has changed since I was here last year, I don't know nearly as many people in the dorms as I used to, but it's the people I do still know that keep me coming back. The music building is getting a whole new wing added onto it that due to be done in July. And some things don't change. The bathrooms are exactly what I remember. The food is fairly questionable, at best. And the general appearance of students has yet to change.

I do actually miss my old room. I'd love to see the inside of it again sometime, except that the guy who lives there now is like me, and keeps the door shut. That room was magical when it came to providing sleep, oh man.

I'm here for Tonys birthday, but being here kind of forces me to relive a number of events.

About a year ago, being far too upset over things that really don't matter in the grand scheme, especially looking back. About 10 months ago I was freaking out because by trying to be a nice guy and do the expected thing, I got in massive trouble. And then I told the truth, and got in more trouble. That actually happened not even 5 feet from where I'm currently sitting. I remember almost blowing off my exams entirely, because musical knowledge wasn't going to do me any good in the coming semesters, and now I'm going to be thrown right back into music theory and keyboard classes come the fall. And basically, my life is no more planned out than it was a year ago. My only plans were to get to Ball State, and go from there. Well now I'm there, and looking for where I need to go.

I don't have nearly as much to talk about as I thought I did, as the few random thoughts floating about my mind are nothing new, and nothing I'd care to disclose. But regardless, this has been my allotted time to sit and talk about me.

Until next time.

Day of Palindromes

This is that awkward moment where you realize that you've officially had a significant moment that has lingered with you on almost a daily basis for like 8 months.

In other news, things seem to be pushing me into musical theatre, I'm going to be auditioning closer to the Spring.

The a capella group had a seriously kick ass rehearsal on Tuesday, and sadly we wont be meeting up on Friday for some reason I'm not aware of. We blew through almost two whole songs. It's just mind-blowing how well the 13 of us mesh just by nature. I'm working on two arrangements for the group, though I don't know when they're likely to be finished, and mash up of Tonight Tonight that leads into Last Friday Night, and a MASSIVE "Disney Through the Ages" medley, going all the way back to the beginning and picking a song from every notable movie, starting with Snow White, ending with Tangled. I had to stop working on it because I couldn't stand the goosebumps I kept getting. It would all go so much faster if I had my keyboard up here, but oh well.

I think I'm actually going to shut my mac off for a while, it's been running super hot for the last week, and blows through like half its charge in about an hour. I don't have anything but Safari and iTunes running, so I doubt that it's a processing power issue. Oh well, computers are ridiculous and it's dinner time now.

Fortunate Things in the Life of Myself

I just posted blog a few minutes ago, and as I always do, I read through it again to hopefully catch any typos that I missed while writing it, and decided I need to have a post about all the good things in my life.

My relationship with my dad is a lot better than it has been for the last few years, though it still has its rough days.

My dead-beat sister is looking to get her life in some sort of order. She wants to transfer to IUPUI and become an elementary education major. This also means that I'm totally going to graduate college before her.

I didn't gain any weight over winter break, and have lost another 2 pounds since I got back to campus.

I auditioned into an a cappella group and got in. Rehearsals have been a little rocky, but fun and we've got a really sweet blend. I noticed a few of my tendencies from music sectionals in high school have resurfaced, which is hopefully going to prove to be a good thing because I plan on putting a lot of extra time into this group.

I've made 12 really cool friends from the previously mentioned a cappella group.

As unsure as I've always been about my major, I think I belong in the theatre, and I've been getting a lot of support from my friends about it.

My confidence as a vocalist is a lot higher than it's ever been in the past.

I love music again.

A friend asked if I would be willing to brush back up on my keyboard skills, because he needs a basic keyboard player for his band, but more so wants me for vocals.

People seem to love my hair more than I do. I get compared to John Mayer now and again, but I get compared to a character on True Blood named "Alcide" at least 3 times a week.

-Yeah, so what if it's vain, the amount of pride I take in my appearance? I don't care.

I gave a kick ass speech in my COMM 210 class, and I'm pretty sure that I became a class favorite of the instructor.

I made a blind friend! His name is Blaine. I help in my large lecture class on Mondays.

The friend that I want to move to LA with stopped smoking pot.

I have a generally good life.

Groanings of the Fortunate

I need to vent, rant, complain, bitch, and all of the above about my life.

For starters, something that actually happened just this morning apparently, that I noticed on facebook. My father had a picture of Julie, my sister, talking on the phone in the living room that he put up in August of 2009. This morning, at 9:48 this morning, my Aunt Julie, total cunt, posted this comment:

"Interesting...appears as those a piece of furniture that you swore to me you didn't take is in the photo. I knew you were not telling truth anyway."

Last time I posted, I mentioned the death of my grandfather maybe 20 days ago. My dad was the first to arrive in Kansas for the event, and it quickly became WW3 with the siblings assaulting one other over this and that. By the time the rest of the family had made it into town, a truce had been called. I flew back to Indy, leaving my parents behind in Kansas, where I assumed the fight would rage on. My dad made an incredibly kind gesture to his two sisters, as they were given rights to the house, which needs an enormous amount of work done before it's fit to see the market. My dad and my uncle offered to give them a portion of the money that would come from the estate sale for repair costs, so that it wouldn't all come out of pocket. My uncle offered X money, to which my sisters thought my father would refuse. My father doubled X in his offer. Last I had heard, everyone became much closer from this event, my dad was in fact able to get one of the Chinese mirrors that was hanging in the house, and everything was good.

Stupid Cunt Aunt Julie had to go looking to pick a fight, it's not like this is something that you just happen to see in your newsfeed 2 1/2 years after it's been posted, she went looking for trouble, looking to start another fight. My dads response to that was to take a picture of the living room, showing the bookcases in full, making it obvious that they aren't the bookcases she thinks they are, that they don't even match one another, and that they came from his old office library. He put that picture on her facebook wall, a classy response, in my opinion. Classy enough that I'm tempted to request my dad to be my friend on facebook, on a very limited profile view, of course.

That was that, it wasn't even something I had initially planned to bitch about until I saw it.

One of the things that pisses me off the most is people who complain about their lives publicly, I'm not sure why. I know that this very moment, I'm complaining about my life, but it's not on a platform that 500+ other people will be subjected to having it in their newsfeed. People that complain about being single, people that whine about another broken heart from their 10th relationship of the year, people who think their life is impossible beyond comparison, people who whine that applications for college and jobs and internships are too hard, people who are clearly underage and complain that a shot tastes gross but they took 6 anyway, people who make their life out to be harder than it is to gain attention and sympathy for their shortcomings. The list goes on and on, and it's not even the people that might just post about their shitty day, it's the people who I can constantly count on to have this kind of status on any given day.

Everyone has troubles like that, so what makes you think that yours are any more special? I could switch gears on my social media forums and bitch about everything.

My first girlfriend cheated on me, which then caused me to turn a shoulder to the thought of another relationship for quite a long time as well as screwing me up pretty decently when it comes to relationships, and when I finally thought I had hit my stride, opened myself back up, gotten it right, it blew up in my face.

Some nights I just sit around in my room, hoping that someone will text me inviting me somewhere, because I hate planning things.

I try desperately hard to stay in touch with all of my old friends because of how much they mean to me, but I look at my inbox and every conversation with them is un-replied, making me assume that I'm just bothering them by texting them.

I don't even have people in my life anymore that I feel like I can tell all of this too, which is why I tell it to a computer screen instead.

My mom had a brain tumor over 10 years ago which has drastically changed the lives of my family.

My dad has diabetes that causes tons of swelling, has bad joints, and numerous other afflictions, making me the primary manual laborer when I'm home.

My sister has epilepsy, sleeps for 12+ hours a day, and has never moved away from home.

The previous three were diagnosed within 18 months of each other, and pretty much signified the moment that I had to grow up and act like an adult, because there wasn't a childhood to be had in this household.

I feel like I can reasonably say that I have more than my fair share of things to bitch about, which is what really pisses me off. That the people I see complaining the most are complaining about the smallest little imperfections in their lives, things that I wouldn't even notice seem to ruin their day. I just don't understand how people function like that.

It's so much more enjoyable to focus on the good things going on in your life, and to share a positive outlook on life with everyone you know.

I really kind of hate this post now, because it's essentially everything I hate seeing on facebook and twitter, and I kind of don't want to post it, because this doesn't correspond correctly with the image of myself that I broadcast to the world.

Clear Skies on a Childhood Memory

I'm going to assume that for the 10 people that know my blog exists, and the 4 that remember it and read it, you probably know me pretty well. I'm gonna bank on that, because this is gonna be one of those kind of super personal posts that will dive kind of way back into my past that I don't ever talk about.

Winter break ended for me a week ago.

I have not returned to campus yet.

I mentioned earlier, that I went to Kansas for Christmas. If you didn't see that post, I spent the week around Christmas in Kansas.

I was spending my Friday evening with Q just catching up and goofing off, trying to make sure he's still got some kind of role model and someone to keep him accountable, because I worry about that guy. We had ended out at Shamrock Springs to look at stars and listen to music. We managed to find that I still had my Once Upon A Mattress CD, and we both remembered the words and choreography to most of the songs. We talked about his life, and things that are fair and things that are unfair. I thing I managed to get him a date, but I don't know how that panned out after he left my guidance. It was around 12:30, I believe, when my phone rang. It was my mother.

My parents had planned to leave early that Saturday morning to drive to Kansas to see my grandpa, who will be called Bobo from here on out because he wasn't my grandpa, he was Bobo. Well Bobo took a turn downhill on Wednesday, I believe, and had stopped eating and drinking, and was sleeping for most of the day with the help of many drugs. My parents were going to drive down to visit him. Just after 11:30 pm on Friday, my Bobo died in his sleep. Thinking about it now, because of the time change, I got word of it pretty quickly. My mom wanted me to come home and get packed.

I went to start my car, and of course, my battery died. I called a handful of people I had previously warned that they were on my list to give me a jump, because I frequently go listen to music in some back parking lot and kill my battery. I started on the second round through and I got a hold of Kaylee who came and gave my car a jump. I told her my news, then went to take Q back to his car.

I'm going to fast forward through the packing, the drive to Kansas, reading The Hunger Games, locking the keys in the car, and other little adventures. There was a 2 hour visitation with family on Tuesday. Tuesday night, my cousins and I went out to the farm with a family friend, Mark.

Mark moved into the house on the far end of the lot when I was just 4 years old, and he's seen me grow up. That house is the house that my great-great grandfather built when he lived on, and ran the farm. That house is also the house that my Bobo was born and raised in until he was 3, though they didn't move far and still ran the farm. There's another big area, all enclosed with massive trees, better than any fence you could build. My dad owned this land and built a house on it. This house was the house in which I grew up.

My cousins and a family friend and I all went to Marks house, stopping to get some Smirnoff, Jack Daniels, and a case of beer. One of my cousins didn't drink, another cousin and the friend had more beer than anything, another one had some mixed drinks, and I had a few very stiff drinks.

-Side note: My mom apparently had been telling my aunts, uncles, and cousins that I'm pretty beast at making mixed drinks, despite my legal age of being 19.

The rest of them also had some pot they went on and did, I politely declined, though I stayed in the room and thus required laundry very promptly because I didn't bring a large number of clothes. But enough of the background story, I'm here to talk about my importance to the Steele name.

My great grandfather and my Bobo had both been born and in that house and on that land. My dad owned a large segment of the land, where he had built the house, my childhood house. I'm the 3rd generation of Steele men to be born and raised on that land, despite my moving when I was 9. There were only three of us born on that land, and all three of us sport the initials of JKS, and have the middle name, Kenneth.

I had known all of that before, but I had never really put all of the pieces together before that night, and after a few stiff drinks, that was a heavy heavy thing to hit me. I also know that I was supposed to be named James, but my family didn't want me to, as my Bobo had named his first born son James Kenneth Steele, and it died while it was an infant. It's one of those facts about our family that we don't ever talk about. My Bobo was James Kenneth Steele, and I'm fairly certain his father was James Kenneth Steele as well. But given it seemed a bad omen to name me after a dead infant, John was a respectable substitute. And on June 10th, 1992, I became the 3rd member of an important bloodline, what nobody knew then is that I would also be the last to be born with those honors.

Before I knew any of this, I had always had a lot of pride in my name, and I knew it was incredibly important that I pass my name down, mostly for the fact that Julie would most likely not provide suitable children to bear the Steele name, let alone JKS. And so I now take even greater pride that I will pass down my name, while avoiding the name James for one more generation, and my first born son will be Jackson Kenneth Steele. I will not budge one bit on this fact with my wife, especially now after knowing the importance of my being.

That's kind of an overview on my name and its history. There's more though. That farmland was all supposed to fall to me one day. Not all of it exactly, my aunts and uncle own bits too, but I would have been given the controlling portion of the land, and my son would have been the 4th member of this Steele Elite.

And another thing that just hit me, I'm alone in this group.

But that land had more than just historical and family importance like it did to my cousins, it was my childhood home. I spent a fair amount of time in the old garage where my Bobo would always have a car in there that he was working on. I used to sit on that floor and roll marbles around. My old playset was still standing in the corner of the property, though the roof had long vanished. I took some pictures of it, even though it was dark, they're pictures just for me. I got to look at the driveway where I learned to ride my bike. I walked around the shop and saw where I always knew to find those rolly-polly bugs, as I called them. I could see inside the kitchen window, someone was watching me walk around. I remember one time I spilled a whole container of quaker oats on me, and my mom tossed me outside and told me to shake it all off on the patio, then sweep it out into the grass. Julie and I used to pick these little flowers that were purple, and I'm pretty sure were weeds. On spring days, while my dad was at work, my mom would be on the riding lawn mower and mow the whole yard, which took easily 4-5 hours, my sister and I would clean the inside of the house. The windows were always open on these days, and I can still smell that warm summer breeze mixed with grass trimmings. And there was the stair banister that I got my head stuck in when I was little. And all the fun I had on that staircase between setting up my hot wheels tracks down it, or sliding down it on an inflatable air mattress. I remember that the closet from the nursery connected right to my parents bedroom. All the christmas decorations were stored in the crawl space under the stairs. I remember falling asleep in my dads triangle, which would be hard to explain. And I remember hearing my Bobo just walk into the house on any given morning, and the distinct whistle he had when he did so, every single time.

I remembered all of that, and tons more, kind of all at once while I was out there. And then I thought about how much fun it could have been to grow up out there. The awesome sleepovers I could have had on the far end of the property in tents. The crazy parties I could have thrown. The yard work I could have done. All the time I could have spent star-gazing in that perfect sky in the middle of nowhere.

I really am a true Steele. I got to learn a bunch about my Bobo, as well as my Nana, after they both passed away. My Nana loved reading and loved Britain and English culture. She was a great cook as well. She loved kids and teaching too. And my Bobo loved jazz and big band swing. They played several big band songs at his funeral, including In The Mood. And he loved being outside and growing things and working with his hands.

I don't have a lot else to say on the matter, and there really isn't a good stopping point other than one more old Bobo-ism.

Pipe Squike,

Tube Squeak.