They Called Us Down Front

Today, was over all a good day.

School was school as it always is. I sang. I learned about Australia- did you know that platypus's are venomous?!?! Yeah, they've got like a poisonous barb on their hind legs. I watched commercials for products that aren't real. Then we talked about a book and bull fights, I slept through some of it. Played music on my trumpet, which was the last time I'll play any of it ever again. Became a lady for a costume contest. Won the "Adam's Award". Played make-believe, which actually means ran through Check Please. Then I had planned on going to Haunt some Trails, but it was rained out. So then I ate some Wendy's. Played my trumpet some more, got in uniform. Played school songs for the last time as well as Bollywood for the last time. Lead the band in one more "Yell", which was so nice that I got my name singled out my senior year. Though my throat hurts quite a bit now, I still am glad I did it.

So now I kind of think Im going to miss marching a lot more than I thought I would, but it was a good four years and it taught me a lot that I can use outside of band. And if you told me, as a freshman, that I would grow into someone who's done everything that I have, I would not have believed you, at all. I had no idea that I would be who I am now, sitting where Im sitting, and I owe a lot of it to being in marching band and the experiences that I gained and lessons I learned. Done with being nostalgic now.

A three legged race, my partner and I fell down, but it doesn't matter at all, because it's not about the winning at all. So we ended up just laying there laughing watching the race. That could be the most insightful thing I've ever written on here, or the most meaningless thing, I don't know exactly.

Oven. I actually just didn't want to being with another "So", thus I typed Oven.

Oven, I could be just seeing what I want to see in life currently, though it's just kind of lined up so nicely that I can't help but wonder.

MLIA

So, I'm now kind of addicted to it.

"Today, my daughter and I were in the car, listening to the radio. She turns to me and says, "Why does everyone sing about love? Why don't they make songs about normal things, like cheese and sandwiches?" I don't know, dear. MLIA"

"Today, I witnessed my 7-year-old sister standing up to a bully at the playground, who was making fun of her asian eyes. Before I could get there to stop him, my sister kicked the kid in the balls, and stood over him saying "Yeah, my eyes are squinty, but you can't have kids anymore. Loser." I feel she will do great things in the future. MLIA"

"Today, to humor my little sister, I was watching JONAS with her. It was some episode where they were hunting a ghost. Nick was 'captured' by the ghost in the middle of it, and as they were searching for him, Kevin cried "Check the closet!" I'm glad that even Disney knows where to find the Jonas Brothers. MLIA"

"Today, I was waiting at a rather deserted bus stop very late at night. Three big ghetto guys approached and asked for directions. One of them started to cross the street, but the other two grabbed him and said "No, man, you gotta look both ways before you cross the street." Good to know that gangsters are concerned about street safety, too. MLIA"

"Today I was chatting online with a friend who lives down the hallway. He "nudged" me, so I "nudged" him. Five seconds later he ran into my room, yelled "NUDGE", pushed me off my chair, and ran off. The war has now begun. MLIA"

"Today I had to pick up my twin sister's 8 year olddaughter up from school early to take her to the dentist. When I got to her class she was in the middle of a verbal spelling test. The teacher asked "How would you spell cough?" My neice replied, "C-O-F-F. Cough." "Well, the dictionary would say it was "C-O-U-G-H." My neice looked confused for a moment and then said "Yes, but you asked my how I'D spell it, not the dictionary. I walked in and gave her a high-five. MLIA"

"Today, my mom told me that when I was little, I loved playing on my nintendo at night, so she would have to check on me every 15 minutes to make sure I wasn't playing it. A few months later, she figured out that I had been setting my alarm clock to go off every 14 minutes, and I would play it until the alarm went off, then pretend to be asleep. Way to go, little me. MLIA"

"Today, I was humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I was walking through Target. Suddenly a guy walked by humming the James Bond theme song. We both paused and stared at one another, then he made a gun with his fingers and shot me. Touche, 007, touche. MLIA"

"The other day in class, I noticed the kid next to me had written 'Gee, I'm a Tree" on his binder instead of "geometry". I will never spell it the normal way again. MLIA"

"A little while ago, my friend translated "liar, liar, pants on fire" into French and then back into English. The result was "Teller of untruths, your trousers have combusted." Today, while standing in line at the check out, a woman tried to convince the cashier that she didn't owe $5.67 but only $4.89. I calculated quickly in my head and immediately blurted out "Teller of untruths, your trousers have combusted!" Best part: The woman screamed and looked. The cashier was crying from laughter. So was the cop standing behind me. MLI"

"Today, I opened a package of cookies, and told myself I was only going to take two. I started to pull one out and four were stuck together. I decided not to break their bond and took all four. MLIA"

"Today, me and my boyfriend went clothes shopping for him. As he was trying on a coat, he felt something in the pocket. He proceeded to take whatever the item was out of the pocket. It was a potato. Never have I been more confused. MLIA"

I kind of love this website now.

A Font Titled "People"

Lets see. The 18th was some time ago, but nothing is going to be that new even though I've been looking to get on here for like 4 days now.

It was a short week for fall break which was chill. The week went as they normally do. Thursday I was awake as normal to work on my econ commercial which was followed by an afternoon shift of band, then haunted trails. Then some totally random and unplanned adventuring that involved best buy, halloween express, breaking into cool creek, dairy queen and then creeping on a young pterodactyl in the area. Friday was a sleeping day. Then a football game to play at and watch half of, we looked for cops, I was treated rudely by people at not just Barnes & Nobles but Wal-Mart as well- I totally blame the fact that I was wearing a Westfield sweatshirt, because I never wear Westfield apparel, and Im never treated that rudely and I ended the night going back in time to the Jurassic Era. Saturday I woke up at a normal hour and departed for band. In my gut of guts, I knew it was going to be my last saturday of doing so-sadness. We did the usual. Practice, eat, board the bus, ride the bus, make fun of people, get off the bus, get uniform, get back on the bus, get dressed, get off the bus, get instruments, make some lines, warm up, run my last sectional, talk with DAVE about last minute ideas near the end of warm ups, march to the field, go play, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait...

We didn't make it any farther in the season, but Im not ashamed of where we did get. I do wish that maybe, just maybe the day wouldn't have had to run the time's that it did, because I feel like I had quite a door open itself, but I was prevented from going through due to my having to be at band all day. That's another thing all together though.

It was a good four years, and I don't think that there's much I would do differently. And honestly, one more week wouldn't have made any difference, I served my purpose, and now Im done with that part of my life, and it's really freaking me out to think about it. My life is music, and for 5 1/2 months, I've been working on the same piece. And now that piece is done, and I don't know what to do with myself. All I can do is think back to all the memories I have from it, and all the things that I know that wont matter soon. To those that have put up with me, with all my yelling, my bouts of profane language, my jokes, my analogies, my highs, my lows, my bipolar days, my days where I let you all goof off, my long-winded talks and speeches, my never-ending sectionals, my days where I threatened to slit jugulars... thanks.

But now I can look forward to more adventures, one of which DAVE and I have been talking about for nearly 8 months, the brass quintet. I've got everyone picked for it, as well as a piece that even he thinks is hard. Im excited for the Tuba quartet, and it makes me glad that I would steal Ethan's tuba when I could and play it for the last three years. Im sure that there's going to be a brass choir piece, even if I have to organize that as well. And Im sure that's not even close to everything.

On to something else.

Not you, that was nothing more than a brief idea, and the way you maintain eye contact bothers the hell out of me.

Im going to peg you as a no, despite that you've been watching me for 2 years now, and I know you have. You're nice, but it wouldn't work at this time.

You? Just a flat out no. You talk way too much and can't take a hint.

You, now you're a yes. Im hoping that this will settle, one way or the other, now that I actually have some free time which marching band coming to a close. It's been a while, like a Really long while, but maybe, just maybe Im right.

And Im brought to you. I had thought of you as a maybe within meeting you, but I dare say that you're a no now, because you're kind of insane, violent, and also taken.

So you again? I still wonder, but I could never bring myself to do anything because it would be disastrous in so many other ways.

Explanations? Well. You ask I tell, pending if I think you're worthy of knowing.

Cloudy, With a Chance of Clouds

To state this up front.

I opened this new blog dish in a perfectly fine mood. I had only managed to type a title then I got a text. Now Im in a super pissy mood.

Im might as well get to the good stuff so I can end on the stuff that makes me sounds like an unstable depressed nut-job.

The band is going to semi-state on the 24th, which totally rocks. Like possibly the best thing that's happened to me in high school in all four years of marching band. And it's just amazing to look back and think about how quickly this has all happened to the band. four years ago we were barely able to get a silver at regionals, now we confidently got a gold and are in the top 20 in the state of indiana, which is a HUGE state for marching band. Last year we were just barely hoping to get a gold, which we did, as well as placing 11th, just missing the cut-off. I personally take a great deal of credit for the reform that the band has seen, because I remember last year when the section leaders were all so lax about their section and I made them and their respective sections look Really bad by how tough I was with my section, and soon the brass line.

This year there's at least half the band at a sectional either tuesday or thursday, and you see the section leaders being super involved, and actually being leaders. Now we're a group of people to take seriously.

Now for the pissy mood. So my phone was acting up today and I had to get it connected to my computer and use syncfix to get it working again, which takes a while, so I wasn't getting messages right away for a while. Then I ate dinner with my family so for about 30 minutes I didn't have my phone. I found a text from someone asking if I wanted to hang out, and I told them that it was getting late and I had homework. Their reply? "Well, guess who's day was wasted because people couldn't communicate quickly and efficiently?". This from somebody who I never would have expected it. So Im kinda crazy mad at him now, because he has other friends, and it's not my responsibility to keep him entertained and busy. Yeah.

And now I think I last used a racing analogy, but fell short with my words. Im not doing any better on that whole thing, and Im pretty gun-ho to finishing that one. So I'll toss out what I can.

Maybe running in a circle now fits? I'll see where I can go with that. The only problem that I see is that it means I was once running in two directions, which is physically impossible. And now Im not really getting anywhere with that one. A new one's in the works.

Kinda like Reading Bass Clef and Thinking it's Treble Clef

I do think that I had an update this morning, for those that can read it and made sense of it, good for you, for those that couldn't, oh well.

I think I was right to not take a sudden action- waiting, if you will.

It was an interesting 3 1/2 months, I'll say that for sure, but in the end Im back where I started. I didn't do anything drastic, but I might have gone just a bit too far. I think I might have just been looking for a distraction or some kind of self esteem boost, what ever it was, I found it, and I think Im done with it.

Im now left with the feeling that I used somebody, because I suppose I may have been a bit suggestive and a but of a lead on, but it's one of those things you just get caught up in and before you know it you're up to your neck.

Bit of random here, mainly to make it official to myself.

It's been a while now, that I've been on my whole self-improvement thing, like 16 months now. I can officially wear a 38 waist, though that was my goal for 3 months ago, what ever. The thing is to now find articles of clothing that fit my odd proportions. Also, I can stretch and see my rib cage, be that healthy or not, I see that as improvement. Im also sitting here wearing a flat out large shirt, and am perfectly comfortable. 2 years ago I was looking at 3XL and 4XL shirts. That's that, and that's me.

Im off living life, doing what I do. Almost a rock again, feels like the fog is lifting, now just to finish off my over-loaded dinner plate at the spinning table. Ha.

It Wulod Cmoe To Tihs

Iuinfatotan End Ccyle Pshae On Bule.

Insert Witty, Multiple Meaning Title Here

You don't really believe it until you're actually living it. I simply can not believe how fast my senior year is going by. Im close to like a 1/4th of it done already. I just can't wrap my mind around it.

I still remember freshman year, and how long everything seemed to take, band for instance. My freshman band camp seemed to take like 2 months. This year it didn't even phase me. The evening rehearsals were such a drag. Now I don't even notice them. The saturday morning call times were once unbearable. They're a normal part of life now, and I hardly notice them. The days that Im at the school for 14+ hours are starting again too, and it doesn't feel like Im there that long at all. High School living has pretty much become my life. My life so much in fact that I don't want it to end, ever. I've worked myself such a nice niche in life right now, I don't want to have to start fresh, ever. Just, everything I can think of is like perfect, and the things that aren't perfect don't even come close to things that are.

Like last night.

It was a good friends birthday party, a party that I have attended for 3, maybe 4 years in a row now. Food, music, fire, golf cart, hot tub. It pretty much rocked. Last year it pretty much rocked as well, the year before not so much just because I didn't know people.

And his party also signified something kind of super important in my personal life. It reminded me of exactly what I was doing a year ago, who I was friends with, who I liked, who I didn't like what I thought was fun and wasn't fun and everything from A to B.

Something else too.

A year ago I was chasing someone who would later make me and my best friend get into a huge disagreement, and make the months after terribly awkward, and eventually lead to the loss of the friendship on the person I was chasing. Im kind of super glad that happened that way, because once it was resolved I was better friends with him, and turns out she's pretty much a crazy psycho bitch.

This year was different, though not exactly in a good way or bad way, but a way that made things really fun. Noticeably, to myself, there was a stand-still race going on. I must have run out of thinking power just then, because I can't find a way to put this into an analogy or some kind of metaphor, just flat out names and facts. So maybe someone will end up getting the low-down on the winner of the stand-still race or maybe I'll find the colorful word play that is currently eluding me.

AAAAnd.

I have a college job lined up already, that pays well, is flexible, and is something that I love. The problem being, I have no idea where Im going to end up going for college, and if I want this job I need to stay within like 2 hours of Westfield.

Mr. Sands would love to have me stay around and help with the band, and I would love to do so.

His concern though, is that he wants a year of separation between myself and the current Juniors. I can see the logic, but I can see how that totally doesn't apply to me.

Because of the fact that I am who I am, I don't think I will need to worry about it.

The band as a whole already listens to me and whatever I have to say, but Mr. Sands thinks that because it will be another year with me around, people will just think, Oh it's just John, I don't have to listen to him. I don't see that happening, but whatever. His second thing is that he wants new leaders to step up and fill the void, which quite honestly is impossible to fill my void. But I see what he means with that too. But I would be working with the concert band at the very least, the underclassmen, and I hope the marching band. He did not say flat out that Next year I would be paid, but said there was money in the band boosters budget. But he quite bluntly said that two years from now I would be a full-staff member with pay and what not, without a doubt.

I wouldn't just be working with the trumpets, but with the entire brassline, and my title would be The Brass Lieutenant, his words not mine, which is freaking bad ass.

So good day yesterday. Solid job offer, stand-still races. Hoping to make today a good day, find my vocabulary skills again to finish my thought two paragraphs ago.

One Vouches Red, The Other, Blue

Band was actually somewhat productive today, despite being indoors. The show is finally coming together, and Im kind of super excited most of the time.

School? Eh, testing sucks. It's stressful now, but now the next two weeks are going to be easy.

Today I was at the Chamber of Commerce Lunch thing as one of the student leaders from band, that was cool. Had good food, and it was free, and it got me out of 4th period, which also happened to have an in-class essay today, over material I didn't read. So mega win right there.

________________________________

It's so terribly obvious, I can see it soooo clearly, on one end at the least. I want to call it out, but Im weary to, because Im not looking to disturb things more than they are. But it's almost painful to watch it now, because with every word that's said, I just see myself more and more. And that makes me wonder, are they just a replacement? But I guess I'll know when life wants me to know, and that just means waiting longer, despite what I think I know.

________________________________

Waiting, Im still doing it. Thinking, Im still doing way too much of it. You do one thing that says one thing, and then you another thing that says the complete opposite of what was said earlier.

And you, you seem to get me when I least expect it, and just surprise me, in a good way.

And combined, the two of you, mess me up more than anything I can think of. And combined, the two of you, are often times the only thing floating through my head each time I hit that awake-but-not-awake-but-not-sleeping-either state.

"I'll listen to your stories, and all of your thoughts

And sometimes, you dames put my head up in knots"

-Manners

-John&Collin

Ball Three, One Out, Runners on 1st and 3rd

Generally, life is good.

But I feel out of place, and I've felt like that for far too long now.

My house, now called the soul crusher, is often one of the last places I want to return to at the end of the day. I even think I'd be more comfortable sleeping in my car. I don't feel as if Im living with family as much as just three other people with totally separate lives that I just bump into throughout the day. I know it should bother me, but it doesn't. I have a better family in the friends that I see every day.

Some of this you can probably just look to an older post and find pretty much the same thing.

I feel so immature. Im so used to being the "adult" one and knowing exactly what to do, that when something comes up and I don't know what to do, I kind of freak out. This probably dates to the end of August, the feeling like a child, yada yada yada, nothing drastically different there.

At times, I get this feeling that makes the whole childish feeling bearable. Like I can't even breath for a moment. I know just what does it too.

Not sure how far this one goes back, but I still feel like Im with two people.

Band is just worse and worse and better and better. We're getting good, like formidable band good. We're holding our own with people who go to state on a regular basis. And going by a dream, which seem to be increasingly accurate, at regionals we'll either place 9th, or beat 9 bands, Im not psychic, yet.

I just want to get life figured out again. Because feeling on top of it feels pretty awesome, and I know what Im missing.

Reflections in Gold

I've gotta say something. I've got something that I really think was cool, but only to me, but thanks to a sibling that decides to have secret habits, Im not gonna get to that right away.

So I woke up after having nightmares, which I rarely have but luckily these were far too unrealistic to be any kind of fore-sight like my dreams tend to be. Well these were straight-up nightmares, which maybe that's an even worse sign than flat out seeing what's gonna happen, because it's so bad that my subconscious doesn't know how to show me. But either way, I didn't sleep well, despite what was floating through my head while I was drifting off. A stomachache to top off the morning.

Well the whole day felt strange, but I tried to make it work, but didn't really. So I got home, tried to do some school work. Then I decided to take a nap. For like 40 minutes the rest of my family for some reason would NOT leave me alone, so I stated that the next person to wake me up from the delicate balance between sleep and awake was going to get yelled at, which even scares me because I've never yelled as loud as I can.

I awoke from my nap after the garage door went down, so I figured I would just get up from my nap then. Well, while sitting at my computer I hear my sister's car door open, which I thought was mildly strange because she doesn't normally go anywhere. I look out and what do I find her doing? Smoking. Yeah, smoking. The single most Repulsive habit that society has. Like I hate smokers enough that even if my wife of 30 years began to smoke, I would leave her in an instant. There's nothing that I can't tolerate like tobacco. Ugh. So I didn't know what to do. But I dare say that the best idea possible popped into my head.

My digital camera was right there in front of me so I grabbed it and got 5 minutes of her smoking recorded, then up on facebook as quickly as I could. Tomorrow I plan on telling EVERYONE.

My logic. She's clearly trying to hide it, meaning that she's embarrassed by it, meaning WHY THE FUCK IS SHE SMOKING?!? I mean, I don't do anything that I wouldn't be fine with people knowing, and if I keep something a secret, I would still be fine if people knew. So I can't stand to even look at her, because now that she smokes she's nothing but white trash and a blemish on the Steele name, a name that I spend way too much time trying to fix.

So Im done with that.

On saturday while marching onto the field for our show, I looked at something that I have never looked at before, in all four years of marching band. I looked right at the very instrument in front of me, and thought of all the things I've accomplished because of it. But while I was looking at it, closer than I've ever looked before. I noticed something. I saw myself staring back, for the first time I saw my performance face, and all the things I've worked for looking right back at me, and the trust that people had put in me through all those years to be the best that I can be, and all those people telling me to kick some ass, because it's your time now, and there wont be a second chance after this one. You blow it now you blow it for the last time. That was just such an eye opening thing, because looking at others while they mentally set themselves for a show is one thing, but to see yourself, it's really something. I looked back at myself when I had the chance, and never did I see that determination flicker even once. And for the first time, I felt like I was acknowledged by myself and not just the people around me, and that's a pretty sweet feeling.

And of course. What would a post be without the constant thing.

Im sick of waiting, Im sick of guessing, and Im sick of competing. Im not going to sit on my hands in the corner and watch things leave my playing field and go into another's field, especially two. So for now, Im in a rare mood, and possibly somewhat sneaky, because Im gonna find something out.

On a second thought though. I could just go out on a limb. The whole sneaky thing is a bad impression type of thing. So I might just go and do something. Limbs are fun, but Im terrified of heights, but then again, the things that rest on those limbs are worth the risk of a few bumps and bruises.

The Month of Hauntings Has Arrived

So. It's been like, a week.

Fall is in full swing, cool beans right there.

You can just kind of *insert fall to-do list here* if you wish, because my lime green notebook of life is now missing, which is not bueno, and people were up in my room looking for stuff earlier, so that's even less bueno. But once I find it I hope I can get it up. However, some things are easily remembered.

Go out and pick fruit and stuff- apples, pumpkins, the good stuff.

Go to parks more and pay attention to the trees.

Each morning get a giant breath of the cold morning air, because fall smells awesome.

Hook the DDR back up because bike season is almost up.

Keep playing shirtless night frisbee.

That's just some. It was longer when I wrote it.

School is school, midterm and lowest is a B+, amazingly. But Im not sure in Econ, because he 2/3rds of the assignments are not up. Kind of feel like Im still sucking at choir, BUT we got our christmas songs already, well only 5/8, but still thats neat. On the other music specter Im rocking it as always, except when people act like their six and can't handle when people call them out on their faults, COUGH COUGH NAGY COUGH COUGH. Sorry, I might have a cold or something ;D. Oh yeah, band got a gold at district with a 71.8, only needed a 60. 70 is what we need two weeks from now.

Life isn't too bad. I'm alive. I have great friends. I finally have expanded my wardrobe enough that I can go a full two weeks between doing laundry. But it's a bit cold to wear cargo shorts, so I'll be looking to some more jeans because I only have 3 pairs that are close to fitting, all the others are close to 6 inches too big. I've plenty of things that are long sleeve, and I think I look pretty good most of the time now. But my shoes now... I wear them out too fast, and the ones I've been marching in have a distinct odor. Yay for shoe deodorant spray! I just need snow boots and snow pants now for the upcoming season.

So I guess I've come to what the bulk of this blog seems to be about, word play!

This table keeps spinning, but it was going too fast, and one of the plates slid off, but that's cool for now, and possibly for a long, looooong time. Because as it turns out, another table ordered it anyway. These other two dishes look equally good though. But the problem is, after looking at them both closely as they kind of spin about, Im not sure which to go with, so I asked the waiter so an ingredients list to see if Im allergic to anything in them, because that would be a deciding factor. If I don't find anything then I plan on texting some people and asking them which they recommend and and whatnot.

Im tired though, and my green and white checkered sheets across the room are looking pretty good. I'll be up at like 3 am though, because I have an essay I want to re-work, and my sleep-deprived writing always seems to be the best.