Aging Fast

Sometimes I look back and read old posts, and my grammar sucks. I'd go back and fix it all, but I don't really care that much.

Despite how bad some things really are, I think I'm feeling better tonight. I skipped all but one of my classes today, and I think that really helped me get my shit in line.

There wasn't a single comment about if-y topics, though I'm fairly certain that some of them are still not letting it go, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT STUPID REPUBLICANS DO. NOTE: NOT ALL REPUBLICANS ARE STUPID, JUST THESE ONES.

"Michael BlockBryce Smith

Hey Bryce, I sent you an email. I would very much like for you to check it out. Thanks.
-Michael-

6 minutes ago · · Comment"

My gut tells me that the email has something to do with how to support his pro-life views, but they're both good guys at the end of the day.

I'll actually comment directly on the title for once. In my recent extended time of stress and anxiety, it's amazing to have just a few things cleared up and to feel so much better, and I feel like I've matured a lot in these last few days, not to mention that despite how I wasn't in the mood for the State of the Union tonight, I'm still watching it and giving it 80% of my attention. I'm glad that clean energy is getting such a ramp up, now we just need those political members who have oil-laced pockets to get in line and use their heads. I'll stop myself, because I'm not talking about political corruption right now.



I said that I needed to sort out the last thing that went wrong yesterday, and I think I've got it mostly sorted out. This is one of the few times that I will talk directly about my social and personal life.

*And this is one of the few times that I go back looking for a post like 9 months later and remove it because it's none of your business.*

Even though I had assumed it was coming, it still hit me like a brick to the face, and I didn't know what to do. I've not told anyone in Anderson yet, and I don't think that it's something that they need to know about now, or ever. I ended up spending most of the day in a sulky mood, and found myself deciding that a nap was the think I needed, which I then just took on the floor instead of my bed.
I never really fell asleep, but it gave me a really nice time to just think and do nothing else. The best thing that I could do is just spill out the truth.

That's what has gone down in the last 20 or so hours, and it had me really screwed up. But getting that off my chest helped so much more than I would have ever thought.

I've done enough talking for tonight, because there's a much more important person talking right now at The State of the Union.

Case of the Mondays

I can say, without doubt, that January 24th, 2011, was considerably one of the worst days of my life.

To start, who doesn't hate Mondays anyway? I usually don't, but my Mondays are going to tend to drain me for the rest of the semester, which is why Tuesday is my rebound day.

I start at 9 am, which really isn't that bad, but it's not enjoyable. But the fun part is that I don't get done until 8:30 pm, almost 12 hours later.

Yesterday was the first time that there had been a full schedule of classes, meaning that all of them were meeting.

So after 11 hours of classes, who isn't kind of grumpy?

Well I get to facebook, and it only gets worse. I'm never posting anything political on my profile every again. It's not that I can take it when people try to dispute what I said, I'm fine with that. It's when it doesn't stop, and it turns from just comments into attacks on my opinions. And no matter what you say in response, these people are just so thick-headed that they'll just keep going. If I wanted that kind of argument, I would have gone and attacked their statuses that they had posted. I just wanted my opinion out there, because each side deserves representation.

It wasn't limited to facebook either. People took it to text and inbox messages, as well as other people. I don't normally delete text messages, but I was glad to see those vanish.

I'm not wishing that more people would have commented on facebook, but there were certain people who 'liked' essentially every post that came along that was against me. ***Cough Cough, Laura Strawmeyer, Cough Cough. I took it almost more personally that people would just enjoy seeing other people attack me than actually joining in with their own comments.

So feeling incredibly shitty after a tense week, lonely weekend, 11 hours of classes, and being bombarded by people I thought were my friends, I got on skype. It just seemed like I couldn't get away from topics of debate. I couldn't even agree, while just adding in things I would consider, with someone without it feeling like yet another debate/argument.

The night still got worse, but the rest I'm still sorting through. To be blunt, it's exactly what I was waiting for to happen, I was just hoping that it wouldn't, and I was just crazy.

Nope, I'm apparently logical and sane. Damn.

Edit: I'm blowing off my first two classes right now, if not everything until wind ensemble.

I didn't feel like this was worth an entire post, facebook status, or even one little tweet. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I was on heavy painkillers, obviously. But while taking them, I could figure out which ones did what, what it felt like to be on them, and what it felt like when they started working. Well I'm sitting in my dorm, and I was first watching The Today Show, and now I'm watching The Social Network. I didn't care for it much the first time I saw it, but I thought I'd give it another go because it stuck in my head, the sign of a good movie. But I'm going off-topic and fast. But that kind of brings me back to where I was going anyway. I haven't touched my painkillers in like 2 weeks, but while starting the movie, I noticed the same sensation in the back left quarter of my neck, left arm, and airy feeling in my head. It's weird, and possibly a good thing Im not at class. Maybe this was my stress-crash for the semester.

Everyone has a Say

So the catholic people have this whole "March of Life" or something. I guess it's where they go pray outside of abortion clinics or something, thinking that they're saving fetuses.(Note, I just googled the plural form of fetus, because 'feti' sounded good and funny, but it was wrong.) I can't imagine a bigger waste of time.

Today especially, I've been seeing all the statuses about being pro-life, and undoing 38 years of wrong, and comparing this subject to Martin Luther King Jr day. Through the fall, I saw a number of people having statuses that they were spending the day outside of abortion clinics praying with youth groups and stuff.

I don't understand how the church can be so close minded, and is dead set on raising more generations of ignorance.

I really just wanted to post on my status that I'm pro-choice and toss out quotes and stuff, just to piss people off. And I still might later today.

I've found a few good quotes so far, and they aren't quotes about racial equality being rephrased for my own purpose like some that I've seen.

Hillary Clinton: "I have met thousands and thousands of pro-choice men and women. I have never met anyone who is pro-abortion."

Aristotle: "(T)he line between lawful and unlawful abortion will be marked by the fact of having sensation and being alive."

Ayn Rand: "One method of destroying a concept is by diluting its meaning. Observe that by ascribing rights to the unborn, i.e., the nonliving, the anti-abortionists obliterate the rights of the living."

Michael J. Tucker: “If the anti-abortion movement took a tenth of the energy they put into noisy theatrics and devoted it to improving the lives of children who have been born into lives of poverty, violence, and neglect, they could make a world shine.”

There are a few others that I like, but I feel that they don't exactly work.

Joycelyn Elders: "We really need to get over this love affair with the fetus and start worrying about children."

Rachel Kramer Bussel: "Those of us who are pro-choice are also, passionately, pro-life. Most of us love babies, love children, and love our liberty."

Dennis Miller: "And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow."

Found a favorite that might go on my facebook.

Mark Bigelow, Congregational Church of Huntington, United Church of Christ: "Christianity has always emphasized the importance of responsible decision making, and nothing is more important than the decision of when, or whether, to have children .... one thing I know from the Bible is that Jesus was not against women having a choice in continuing a pregnancy...Jesus was for peace on earth, justice on earth, compassion on earth, mercy on earth, and choice on earth."

To find all of my quotes, this is EXACTLY what I googled: "good quotes about being pro choice to make those damned catholics shut up"

Due to this search, I've seen some images that have scared me, probably for life. Like this website: http://www.clinicquotes.com/site/story.php?id=32

I can admit that childbirth can be a beautiful thing, not physically, but just in a way of thinking about it. But there's nothing beautiful about a fetus.

And now I'm all riled up and ready to argue with morons, which thankfully I'm surrounded by here in Anderson. I need to get out of here and find some liberal people and soon.

The Year of the Storm

I said I'd use this for not so much bitching anymore, but actually useful stuff. But as it turns out, I bitch very little in real life, and the internet has spellcheck.

When I'm off-center with someone and don't want to talk to them, I don't reply to any of their text messages, at all. Not one of the, oh I'll wait an hour and reply, I just flat out don't reply, period. So what am I expected to think when someone never replies to my texts unless they need something? Exactly, I think they're annoyed with/pissed at/ignoring me. That kind of really sucks, and really puts me in a bad mood.

I get it, most of them aren't really content-full texts, but the assumed polite thing to do would be to reply with "thanks, you too" or something similar. Or when asking how an event or a weekend went, a fucking response would be nice.

Not the tone change right there, I went from agitated to fucking mad.

I think in the last 2 weeks, there's only been one night that I didn't go to bed in a pissy mood. Which if Calvin and Hobes have taught me anything, it's the one thing you never want to do. So now I have people I want to tell off for everything they've ever done to me that I found rude, insulting, inconsiderate, degrading, ignorant, selfish, and everything else.

Sometimes my memory is shit. Usually when I'm trying to remember a name, or anything I've learned in a class. But I've got a killer memory for all the little things that I never say anything about, because that's just not like me. I've always been too good of a person to let the little things get in the way. Well little things add up, and eventually the slope is too steep for all the little nice things to work their way up.

Been back in Anderson for going on 2 weeks now? It feels like a lot longer. I actually am pretty ok with my classes right now though.

English, International Government, Music Theory, Mens Chorus, Freshman Seminar, Wind Ensemble, Jazz Ensemble, Career Exploration -(Those are my classes on Monday.) Keyboard, chapel... Aural Comp, and my trumpet lesson.

I think nearly everyone in my Career Exploration class is an idiot. 3rd semester freshman, people taking the course for a 2nd time. Apparently, I'm really well-suited to practice law. Yet another field you can't study here.

I've been tempted, on several occasions, to strip my facebook account down to the bone, if not get rid of the whole damned thing. I'd love to just be off the grid for a month, and if someone wants to know what I'm doing, they should text me or something, not just click through every post and link on my page.

Speaking of facebook, I was really surprised just how many people got a hold of me thinking I was in a legitimate relationship with Josh. He and his girlfriend broke up, so then he married a friend from home. But recently, that friend became involved in another relationship and removed Josh. He doesn't want to put single on his facebook because he's still hung up on his old girlfriend, so asked if we could be facebook married and I told him I wasn't a vegas whore, and I take things slowly. Around 12 hours later we were engaged, and I plan on switching it to married within the hour, and then leaving his cheap ass by sunday night/monday morning.

This weekend is going to blow hardcore.

Like 4 people went home for the weekend, and a bunch of others are on a ski trip. I highly doubt I'll be at ball state any time soon. Collin's in Westfield and sent me a text asking if I was home, and I felt like he wanted me to come home just because he was there, which I think is kind of selfish. He can drive up here to see me, but there would be nothing to do because it's a god-damn christian school.

There. That's my bitching for the night.

And a Happy New Year to You

Behold, this is the first post of 2011! But I have a feeling that there's going to be little said about 2011, but instead about 2010.

I'm gonna run through the entire year, or at least what I remember when I think through it.

January.

Started with the usual party at my house, which was terribly over budget and too many people were invited. There was a lot of bloomin' onion left, as always.

Went back to school and rehearsal for the musical started.

Kept on going to bowling practice and meets.

Did lots of practice on the tuba and euphonium.

February.

Musical continued onward.

....

Fuck this, I'm bored with it already.

Stuff that sucked of 2010.

Prom.

After Prom.

Discussions about Prom.

How much I spent on Prom.

Not getting out of school a week early.

Getting sick the last 2 days I was in Canada.

Missing GenCon.

How much I spent on Magic.

Not having a job that paid by the hour.

Being the last guy to start college, and watching everyone leave.

Driving to Anderson.

Going to Chapel.

Being made to play 3rd trumpet.

Listening to a section leader.

Not being section leader anymore.

Not singing in a jazz group.

Having to make all new friends.

Being told I have to conform to everyone else.

Things that were bitter-sweet about 2010.

The musical.

The last band concert.

The last choir concert.

Thespian awards night.

The last chemistry demo-show.

The last club meeting for everything.

Having to pass the torch to Michael Block.

Graduation/Open Houses.

Learning that I'm not the shit at trumpet in the grand scheme.

Accepting that and moving onto a major I think I'll enjoy.

Highlights of 2010.

Rigging most of the awards for the musical.

Playing Pokemon in most of my classes.

Academic team.

Bowling team.

Getting on the hall of fame for band.

Being invited to Mrs. McLeans' house, multiple times.

Watching Eddie "boo" Tim and Blake at graduation.

Canada.

Learning Magic.

Coming back to Westfield and still being the shit.

Getting sooo much better at stalking people.

Moving to Anderson.

Making the new friends that I have.

Being able to stay in touch with the friends I already had.

Hanging out at Ball State.

Deciding that I'll be going to Ball State next year.

Sledding, and lots of it.

TRON

TRON

TRON

TRON

TRON

TRON

TRON

TRON

Having a dream on the last night of 2010, and it being about me getting to go to Ball State next semester instead of next year. I think that speaks for itself. Good job subconscious.

I feel like that did a better job than going through month by month.

So now I sit, feeling quite sick, hoping to make 2011 an awesome year, in whatever way that I can. It started with a thunderstorm, so I feel like that's either an awesome sign or a really bad sign. And I just decided, that this year is going to be called "The year of the storm", or something that sounds kind of ominously cool and stuff, I haven't decided yet.

Oh! I'm gonna aim to make this more informational, instead of just bitching all the time.

And in the last post, I looked back and wrote 6 names down, but only addressed 5 people. I think the middle one ended up mixing two people up because they have the same first name when I looked on the list.