November's End

Today, was extremely tolling on me.

Went to school, and it went alright, and just alright.

After school I made an ass of myself in my mind. Made up a story that I had to go to Fishers for my work so that I wouldn't have to be stuck with Chris. Actually went home and watched Beauty and the Beast on my computer.

Bowling was super awesome. Got 2 1/2 games in. Was staying neck and neck with one of the starters today, though he ended up beating me both times from a slip up in the 6th frame.

But my second game I got a 154, and if I continue to score like that, I could for sure end up a sub, if not the 5th starter, granted I get some more practice.

Went and got milkshakes after.

Came home, checked email.

Oh shit.

I don't even want to think through it again, those that know, know, that that don't know, ask.

Watched more Disney to return me to a normal heart rate.

The Half-Finished Christmas List

The current time is 7:11

But by the time anyone reads this,

No, by the time this is even published, the time will no longer by 7:11.

Friday rounded out very nicely.

I got everything on my list, as well as pocketed 50 dollars in gift cards

Was home by 8.

Slept until 11.

Then set up a tv.

Then did some chatting with an out of town friend. Or maybe that was thursday, oh well.

Watched the stuff downtown get all lit up.

Saturday I woke up by 8. I was kind of certain that I wasn't going to sleep through all of break.

I tried to transfer files to the external hard drive I bought. I want to be able to play games off of the hard drive, which means I can take my games anywhere. Think about it. Through just a usb port, I can play all of the sims, anywhere. Heck, if I really wanted to, I could take it to school, and play! But, the only one that I can get to work totally with no snags right now is Spore. Saturday afternoon I hung out with Tim on his roof. Then watched probably the worst movie I've ever seen: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter.

Today, Sunday, I was bored, for a very long time. But because I was bored, I decided to trying synching up my phone with my computer, an urgent, overdue reminder then popped up on my screen about the musical. I remember putting in that reminder over a year ago when I had a terrible audition. I clicked the reminder, and it turns out I had even picked out a song already. This year, I was leaning to "I want to be a producer", but according to the me a year ago, I will be singing the chimney sweep song from Marry Poppins, and I can do it acappela, and it's just about memorized. But I got that picked, then facebook chatted for a while with possibly the one person who talks to me on the chat that isn't some underclassman that I don't know.

Meanwhile in the Mushroom Kingdom...

It was a wonderful day, turning into a mildly chilly evening. Mario and Luigi had just finished preparing for the holidays, and were planning a get together for the evening. Toad was clear to go, DK was out to eat with their family, and Yoshi was spending some quality time with their family. Their friend was all set to come over, and had previously said that they would be able to come, until suddenly things changed. Bowser arose from the mist and snatched their friend away, dragging him screaming all the way back to the evil castle. Their friend was not heard from for the rest of the night...

Me, right now, I couldn't really feel better. Well, I have a stomach ache from too much pancake batter... BUT other than that Im good. I remember waking up on Thursday with a mindset, and I feel like I made up my mind, so that's not bad at all. I have an ideal plan to life, but it will need just the right timing to pull it off, but never the less, I'm more/less looking forward to it.

Oh! And the secret plan is coming along nicely...

The current time is 7:29

Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Toad and DK

So today was Thanksgiving. It went about as well as it could have gone, what with being cooped up in the house with just the family. Dinner was kind of awkward, but most of them are by now, because we don't really talk at dinner anymore, so it's usually just an hour of silence. Julie's boyfriend ate with us too, he's actually too good for her, AND, he's scottish, accent and everything.

I picked out everything that Im getting for black friday tomorrow, people will be meeting at my house at 3:30 in the morning, and it will probably be snowing. I also meant to get gas before hand, but I think a quarter of a tank will be fine, plus I need to save every dollar I can.

Im not really sure what else I can say about the Mushroom Kingdom, nothing really changed about that today. Mario has talked with all of them today, he's talking to Yoshi now actually, who is still out of town. Maybe tomorrow something will come up and they'll be able to see their friend and sneak him out of Bowsers evil clutches for good.

So what was I thankful for today?

1. That I have not been killed by zombies yet

2. That my family is still able to take care of themselves when so many are not due to economic situations

3. I have a family, not matter how much I dislike them, they'll be there for me if I need them

4. My friends, who are in some cases closer than members of my biological family

5. Myself. It might sound super self centered, but Im fairly glad that I am who I am. Sure, I have tons of imperfections, on top of self image/esteem issues, which typing both of those in the same sentence was probably not the best move haha. But I've come a long way in 17 years, and it's neat to look back and think about what's changed. But the thing that I might be most thankful for right now is that I was able to help out a friend who needed an ear and some feedback. It happens to be the same friend that I found myself unable to help a while back(which I also posted a story on here about with a title something about a black and white movie I think). But Im super glad that Im even that much better, even though the situation was different, I felt terrible for not being able to help before, and I like to think I made up for it a little bit tonight.

6. Everything else that I forgot.

And while in a reminiscing mood. I think back to a year ago, because this is another land mark time of year where I remember exactly what I was doing. And I hate to say it, but I think Im close to where I was then. But that being said, it's a 100% different scenario, and things might actually work this time in my favor.

Now, I should really get to bed. I'll be going on like 5 hours of sleep for black friday. Wooo!

Down, Down, Spiraling Down

Um, just, wow.

So if you're reading this, you probably know me well enough to know that I think of a fair number of my friends like family. I just can't seem to make things work anymore. It's like, if I put focus on one thing, 3 other things go down the tubes. So that being said, it brings me to state the newest downfall. But I can't, because I gave the go-ahead to fly on their own. But what happened tonight just another big issue in an increasingly long chain. You constantly keep secrets now, you're snippy with the people that call you family, brother even. You ignore our attempts to get a hold of you. You constantly blow us off to hang out with other people, even things that you KNOW we are going to do. Like running, you know when we run. Bowling, you know when practice is. Dinners, you're sitting right there with us when we make plans. Still, you continue to make other plans, and just say that you can't come. You used to always tell me everything that was anything. You know some of my worst and most closely guarded secrets, and now you're on the loose. And that makes me terribly uncomfortable.

Today, was looking to be a good day. I don't think so anymore. It's looking like another night that I don't sleep. But what makes it worse is I can't even tell anyone about this.

I need to grow up.

Fate, Im Trusting You To Put This On the Right Track

This evening, was opening night.

I feel like it went fairly well. They laughed at stuff that wasn't funny, and didn't laugh at stuff that was supposed to be, but that happens with every show.

SPAR. My mom flat out said this. Im getting really sick of seeing Ginny on stage all the time, there's plenty of other girls, and Ginny just looks like a diva bitch all the time, she then held up the picture of her in the newspaper to further her point. I love my mom.

Check, Please. That's my show. I think it was in the top 95% of the performances I've done of it. They finally game my table glasses with water, after I had been asking for like a week. It was odd though, because I wasn't used to having to be careful with a full glass, nor finding a time to drink it.

This is a Test, I didn't really pay attention to.

Sometimes, I've just gotta smile and think it will all work.

I had one of those smile moments. I don't really feel like I can escape "fate". And Im not sure that I want to use the word, fate, exactly. But whatever it is, it seems to keep coming back to get me. When I thought I messed things up in a royal manner last friday, I kind of did. Like. I just can't even put it into words.

When you can't find the right words to life, sometimes fate steps in a lets you know that words aren't necessary.

With The Strength of a Great Typhoon

Not a bad day today at all.

Band went well, actually got some stuff done. Shut Chris up once when he came over to talk to Collin, then added that he wanted me to play out because my part wasn't strong enough on the passage we just played since Im the only one playing those notes. I promptly informed him that for those 30 some measures we play the exact same thing. Then when Sands was drilling the 5 of us over and over again on one set of rhythms, which took me 3 tries to get it ironed out, by the 15th time I was getting aggravated. Mr. Sands flat out called Chris out that he needed to stop making up rhythms and learn to count, and that he shouldn't have to say that to a senior. I'm always the only one on my part, and never has Mr. Sands called me out because Im playing it wrong, even when we break it down into parts and I'm playing by myself.

I dare say that I'm section leader after that.

Stats was alright.

Lit we talked about the reading we did last night.

Vocal I tried to not say a word and I still got death stares. Though I personally loved having just two bass's instead of three. Kyle's got throat stuff going on and didn't sing today. He's super nice, but I felt like it was so much better with just Kent and I.

Gov we just talked about the test tomorrow.

Today I went around on two feet, and right now my right foot Really hurts. I don't think I'm ready to be walking on it full time at all.

Life dilemmas as always.

Black Friday is coming up soon, and I can't wait. There are already adds and catalogs online.

Green Shells

...

I feel, so incredibly worthless right now, and there was nothing today that should have made me feel like that, at least not this bad.

Lets run through the day.

Band was band, no problems there.

Next was prob and stats, a bit stressed about keeping up, but still nothing too bad.

Lit & Comp we just finished a movie and talked about our next book.

Vocal, alright, I will say that Wessel super pissed me off today.

Im going to the choir room from Mr. Wachtel's room. Not that hard. Only thing is that in that class I don't leave early because often times he is talking up until the bell, and I don't want to miss anything, so thus I leave when the bell rings. Next, it's incredibly difficult to get through the hallways. The school only has one working elevator, and both Tim's locker and my locker are on the second floor, on the other side of the building from the one working elevator. Add in the factor that people that don't need the elevator use it and I then have to wait on it often times. By the time that Tim and I get down there to the Choir room, Im easily 5 minutes late. Yesterday Wessel bitched at me that I was too late, and that I have no excuse to be so late with 8-BY THE WAY, THERE ARE NOT WESSEL- people coming from the same class. I can't help it that they all say they'll push me, and then all leave. And regardless of who would be pushing me, I still have to go to my locker, which is still on the second floor, which is still only accessible by the one elevator that is far away from it, which is still just as far from the choir room. It's not like Im just sitting around in the hallways chatting.

Im basically done caring about choir now, I can't stand it. Right now, if I could quit, I would without a doubt. I took freaking online classes so I could make it fit into my schedule. It never matters what I do, Im always the one to blame in choir, every time something goes wrong. I tested it actually. There was a period of 8 days straight that the only time I spoke was when it pertained to the music. And each day, Wessel still stared at me every time something went wrong, every time someone wouldn't shut up, every time somebody didn't have their music. So right now, Im in a fuck it mood about that class. It's not like I can fail it. I mean, I don't know what else I can do to show that I care, I was in the ER the night before we had a performance and still managed to get there, drugged up and all. Did Wessel care? Nope. And for the record Wessel, different medications have different side effects on different people. Vicadin is a pain reliever, just because it makes most people tired doesn't mean it makes all people tired. The nurse at the ER flat out said that it would do one of two things. Make me incredibly tired, or make me incredibly hyper and over active- then incredibly tired. Just because you don't seem to believe that does not make it a lie for me to act out. If I want to move Kent's chair, I will, whatever drug Im on has nothing to do with it, and to call me out in front of the class and essentially call me a liar was unprofessional and made you look like a real bitch to me. If you happen to be in Vocal, Im sorry. Im still going to sing in class, but otherwise I don't give a shit. Im not going to make any strides to get better, not going to review my music out of class anymore. Im getting my A, and that's all the effort I plan to put into it.

Government was fine.

Nothing for bonus period, so Collin was wheeling me around and it was innocent fun.

Then Adams decided to bitch me out about how she said I couldn't be in the wheelchair. For starters, yesterday you said that I couldn't be in the wheelchair to perform, despite how I explained that Im unable to understand the mechanics of crutches. She never once yesterday mentioned that my being in a wheelchair was unsafe for others, was pulling up her stage tape, was slowing down the whole production, techies and all. Sorry for my injury being a burden, I didn't sleep in my own bed for 3 nights because I couldn't get up the stairs. I still can't drive my car. I think I of all people know what a burden it is. Then you told me that I had to get rid of the wheelchair, that I couldn't have it backstage in the dressing rooms. Yeah, because I can just make wheelchairs disappear at your fucking whim Adams. My plans were to stay off of my foot through wednesday, so that I could eliminate as many chances to mess it up again as I could. But no. I got to spend the next 5 hours feeling like I was going to vomit at any minute because I took extra vicodin so I would be able to walk.

I then left rehearsal early because I had to run a chem show at the intermediate school. Other than feeling like I was going to vomit the whole time, it went pretty good. And again, people- strangers- asked what I was doing once I graduated, and urged me to go into education, as well as telling McLean to grab me and get me into education. Look, I've considered teaching since 2nd grade, but there's no money in it at all, so there's your answer life.

That's enough of a word-baby for tonight. I didn't even touch on anything even close to important. So tomorrow, I plan on being rather shut down. Because I can't get in trouble for doing nothing. But, knowing me, I probably will.

Sometimes, I wish my parents had only spoken to me in a british accent when I was little. That way, its what I would have picked up on, and I would speak like I was british.

Fate Hath Kicked Me in Thy Balls

Running through the dark has never gone so wrong for me.

The irony, is that moments before, I was thinking about how agile I was, and how much fast I felt like I could run. But that's not the best part of the irony. But I guess now I need to back track a bit.

My foot, has a sprain.

My ankle, has a sprain.

I can't walk.

Can't drive.

Can almost stand.

And, I hate crutches.

Because I hate crutches, I have been hoping everywhere.

Because I have been hopping everywhere, my abs have gotten an insane workout the last few days. I woke up this morning, and couldn't understand why I was so sore. But then I realized that all the movements I was doing were super core-intensive. But my abs still hurt.

Now, to the part in which I now feel like fate took a cheap shot at me.

I had a thought on Friday afternoon, and I wanted to hang out with somebody. I even found that they were free that evening. I kept myself from asking them if they wanted to do anything, because I had already 90% committed to the people that I was going to hang out with. But even driving to meet them, I fought the urge to call the other person up and ask if they wanted to do something. I know the people I was meeting would have plenty of fun without me, and yet I didn't call. For the next hour, I still wondered if it would be too late to call and do something.

Eventually, the feeling subsided, and I went with the flow of the evening.

Then I remember being on the ground, some swearing, lots of rolling, in a car, then in the ER. Once I was being wheeled around the ER, I realized I probably blew a nice opportunity.

So because of that, and ignoring my gut, I've spent the weekend totally immobilized.

Should something like this happen again, my friends will understand why Im busy.

Thaw, Freeze, Repeat

So at the current moment, I feel like I was punched really hard in my left eye. It hurts like crazy just to blink, and it feels swollen, but I don't recall being hit, at all.

Got a haircut today too. I think it's going to look Super good, like one of the best haircuts I've gotten in a while.

First trimester is turning out quite alright. Symphonic band is super fun, playing with people who are actually good. I don't miss concert band like at all.

--Went to jazz band for the first time today. I was happy to see THREE freshman trumpets there. Michael returned as I expected him. Within minutes I remembered why I got so bloody sick of him. He NEVER shuts up. Like as soon as we stop playing he has to say something. And finally to my distress, Eddie picked up jazz band. I was talking to others, saying that "you guys could use a real trumpet player", all jokingly. He huffed and puffed and got all super mad, so I let him solo for a bit, he tried and failed terribly, on a concert B-flat solo rift, the very key that his instrument is in. I then soloed, totally off the top of my head, and did a very nice improv solo, though it turns out Sands was looking for me to do a blues/pop solo, and not the lyrical jazzy one that came out haha. But good god. I wish Eddie would stop trying to do everything. He apparently wants to do a solo this year too for ISSMA, I was talking to Dave about it. He said that if Eddie hadn't already started it, then he wasn't going to waste his time helping him, because even the simplest solo would take Eddie forever to learn.--

2nd period is AP Stats. I've never loved a math class as much as this one. I'm like 95% fully understanding everything we talk about. Then comes AP Lit, which is about the same as always. 4th period is Vocal Jazz. We sing. 5th period is government. I think Im going to love that class. Galovic likes me already, and I sit by Sarah Patton, whom Galovic likes too. Overall Im loving this trimester.

Not a ton else to say, but I feel like I should have a lot more, because there really is more going on in my life. Maybe Im just officially out of different light bulbs to plug in. Maybe all that's left is action. Let me see what flipping the switch does.

You're growing on me, but I still just don't see it. We're so similar that we're totally different. But I know, at the very least I've another close friend.

I feel like Im choking on my heart it gets beating so fast some times. I have no idea how to read you, and I don't think that anyone else really does either. But then again, I could very well just be the only one.

You don't fit in with the above, but I'm saying this all the same. Similarities are astounding. The same book in a different binding almost. It's creepy and flattering at the same time, and I'll probably never explain that to anyone, ever, not ever a last person in the car.

Also, for those that look at my tweets, the definition of "Last person left in the car", which I think I used a day or two ago, means this.

A person who either is driving me somewhere, or I am driving somewhere, that basically gets a straight, no strings, answer to whatever they want to ask, often no restrictions. These persons aren't huge in number, but there's more than enough.

And again to those that follow twitter, Too Big To Tweet, was in a twitter thing, and it also happens to be the title of my last post, which I choose not to advertise.

Gonna go play trumpet for the remainder of the night, shooting for 2 hours tonight. Audition repertoire is kind of kicking my ass all over the place. Looking at 21 minutes of essentially non-stop playing of stuff that is currently partially beyond my skill set.

Too Big to Tweet

I feel like I have a bunch of things I want to say, and just an empty room to say them in.

Odds are, that I will not report to twitter about this ENR, so those who find it find it.

The following are a collaboration of good and bad things that I feel like putting into twitter and facebok status's alike, but simply won't because of the things that would ensue.

I did it. I think it took nearly four years, but I've managed to make longer hair go from looking juvenile to professional on me. Granted, I don't think I'll be able to wear it this long for much longer, but for now I can look like a grown up with it.

I have to get a haircut tomorrow for the fall plays. Not a ton, but just enough to get rid of the frazzled ends, because it doesn't look sleek so much and fuzzy.

I can't believe that I didn't just say it. When asked if I was mad at someone who I've been mad at for ages, I said no. Problem being, I'm around them too much to make it known that I can't stand them. No, not Chris.

Symphonic band is looking fun, but Im terribly confused at the same time. Im the part A trumpet, and the only one. For the last three years, the section leader has been part A, and since I'm the only one, I would assume that makes me section leader. Chris is trying to act as though he's in charge though, despite that nobody wants to listen to him.

I hate being stuck in the crossfire of arguing parents. I can't stand to be at home nights like this. I've always said that I'm just going to stay at home during college, but I just can't see it working anymore.

I really want to go to Butler, but to be blunt, I don't think Im smart enough for them to accept me. I love their music program too. IU is another good option for me though, and because they have such a large area of study, it would be easier for me if I change my mind. There's also large incentives for me to go to IU, and they have a pretty good music program too. I just don't know.

I don't have a clue what I want to do with my life. I really want to stay with music, but I need something more competitive in this day and age if I actually want to make any money.

I don't know what Im expected to think about either of you. You're both great. I see myself with one a lot easier than the other. I just don't know though. Some days it seems far too perfect and just waiting for the last piece to fall into place, and other times I feel like Im a complete fool.

I found the checks I was missing, so there's 70 bucks, I've hidden away 40 dollars somewhere in my room apparently at the beginning of the summer. I apparently left myself clues to where it is too. Going to get paid this weekend too. Saving everything that I don't have to spend on gas. Might get close to 200 dollars by black friday.

I had a really exciting game of bowling tonight. 3 strikes in frames 1-9. Frame 10, 2 strikes and 8. Might have counter acted my 3 gutter-balls ha.

Sometimes I wish more people could read my mind. I wouldn't feel so sneaky if they could. And reading my mind is basically as easy as asking.

Standing Pompously

Last few nights.

Failures.

Last night conversations.

Redeeming.

Current mood.

Upright yet top-heavy.

Current goal.

Unconfirmed.

As god is my witness, Im going to find my use.

Big League Dreamers

I have so

much to say now

and none of the words.

Bears.

This is life

and what I want

is the opt out switch.

Are Often.

Fuel tank is

near riding on empty

no gas station in sight.

Relentless.

I hate haikus.

I thought they would help.

They didn't.

End.

Ninjas Make Good Use of Tripwires

I've been saying for a while now that my next post will be about this or that or something, and Im gonna do my best to follow all of them.

First off: Chris Nagy

I think when I decided to do this we were at lunch and he was bringing up the sectional I hit him in the head repeatedly, thus ending the sectional.

1. The way he looks.

I think I hate his hair the most of anyone that I've ever seen, all it does is make him look gayer, which I wouldn't mind if he wasn't self-hating. He CONSTANTLY needs to shave. He shaves like maybe every two weeks, and it's disgusting. His eyes look like he's always squinting, not in an Asian way, in a way the he always looks like he's squinting. His face is terribly angular and it looks like he's sucking his cheeks in all the time.

2. He thinks people like him.

I can't count the number of times that he talks to somebody and once he's gone they start mocking him and what he was talking about. He tries to invite himself places. He tries to turn people against their other friends so that he can have more attention.

3. He only wants attention.

He will talk forever and forever if you let him, and about nothing important. He just wants the attention that it gets him.

4. He's dumb as fuck.

Yeah, he might know music stuff, but Im pretty sure I'd rather not have to cheat off of freshmen and sophomores to pass my classes than to know music terms. It's impossible to have an intellectual conversation with him as well.

5. He thinks that he doesn't need to practice.

Constantly during marching band he would just skip entire rehearsals, be they evening or for a competition. It made it incredibly hard for the people who were trying to guide to him to learn their spots, because he was never there. I made sure that he received NO credit for any sectionals during marching band. And now that we're done with marching band, he's all into band again, thinking that he'll be in charge soon.

6. He's only out for himself.

Jazz band last year, was Chris Nagy, accompanied by the WHS Jazz Band, featuring Chris Nagy. Everything he does is to make himself look good, and anyone else who he sees as a threat to look bad.

7. He can't count rhythms.

He can't. That's why he always has to get his music early from Mr. Sands so he can put it into his program and listen to it so he knows how to play it. You can't teach music if you can't count freaking rhythms.

8. More that I can even think of.

Alright, that's done- to an extent. Now on to another idea I had, last night actually.

1. To believe that you're Really that dumb and inconsiderate just astounds me. Three very recent examples.

-Haunted Trails on Wednesday. Somehow necropolis came up, and that was fine until you decided to look right at me and say out loud that I was on a date that night, and when I said it was not a date you decided to then yell that it was a date. I had plans to go out with her that night, yes, but instead we got invited there and she really wanted to go there. For starters, I hate group dates just about as much as I hate anything, if I think that I want to go out with someone, I want to be with them, not a crowd. Two, in a group people can retell stories about it later, and change them. That night was most certainly not a date, and I don't think I even said 5 sentences to the person I was supposedly on a date with. I've told you not to bring that up ever because that was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, which you also helped to cause by being one of the people to convince me to go out with her.

-Same night actually, talking to somebody else, rather loudly. You decided to talk to them about how my car was just the trash can for our group, then laugh loudly about it. You cunt, my car is nicer than yours and I actually own it, so shut the fuck up. And by the way, my trunk is covered in fake blood and it wont come out of the fabric.

-Saturday. We were at your house watching movies and having a good time. And you mentioned that it was the first time that Tim and I had been over and there were more girls than guys, which was true as Bret was not there yet. Then you decided to say one more thing. "But there was the one time that you brought Ariel over with you." Like you wanted to start a discussion about that. Tim wasn't exactly pleased with what happened, you should know that. And sitting by him, it was easy to tell that he disapproved of that comment as much as I did the comment on Wednesday.

You are by far one of the most rude and inconsiderate friends that I have. And I'm not sure that I'd be friends with you if you didn't know so much stuff that you shouldn't know. And you wonder why you never get to know anything new about me? Because within two days you'll have told 15 people.

2. I simply can not imagine the last 5 years without you, it's quite impossible. But this last month I feel like you're trying to overshadow me. I say hi to somebody at a football game that you don't know, so you strike up a conversation with them, cutting me off, and give them a hug, still not knowing their name. I have an idea to do something, you come up with one little change and suddenly the whole thing is your idea. It's stuff like that.

3. We all thought that you'd be back to your old self after finally getting rid of the extra baggage, but it's become apparent that you don't remember who that old self is, and your new self is kind of a bust. You're still one of my best friends ever, but Im still going to try to find the old you.

4. Look. I've been there, almost exactly where you are. We're like the same book with just a different binding, and you're a mere chapter or two behind, and you just need to know that it almost all gets better, but for now it's gonna kinda suck, and the best thing you can do is convince yourself that you're happy, it will be exhausting but you'll gain an immunity to it soon enough. You used to be so upbeat all the time, but when I see you it's like you've flatlined. Life may be rough, but don't give up on yourself, and know that you have friends that you can count on, just don't keep them in the dark. Halloween is over, so go take off the makeup and remember who you are, because it sucks and that analogy was first used by me like 18 months ago. You rock, the front you put up doesn't, and it doesn't fool nearly as many people as you think it does.

5. Really. Just face it, you're not me, and you can't replace me. Try to be your own kind of friend instead of the title that I've held longer than you've even known them.

Next.

Halloween was just ok. First year that I didn't go trick or treating and it was really strange. This last week brought about a ton of memories, a lot that go a year back.

In 08.

It was kind of a terrible, huge, mega mistake to ever do that, and if I had a time machine I would undo it in a heartbeat.

I had intentions to be blatantly obvious in my actions exactly one year back. But a year and one day back I read something on facebook that, by my morals, slammed me to a halt, and was confirmed in my overhearing one year back. So for almost a year, I settled. Now things have changed drastically once more, and I'm placed into the same situation and with quite similar ideas.

___________________________________

More to this whole thing exists, but Im terribly sick of typing, and I don't want to think back much more, because things change, and the past can only be used for comparison now.

And I guess that some of this is really easily read to some people who know enough, and gibberish to others. And to others who can't easily read this, well, I don't mind divulging the proper information to the all of 0 people that probably read this.