Stationary Faces

I feel like I'm living the life of a hamster. I sit contently in my little world, there's some tubes I can run through, a wheel, and food. People drop in now and again to see me, but in the end I'm the one stuck doing the same things, every single day.

Fuck, I'd even settle for being back in school right now, Westfield or Anderson, at least then I had something to do 5 days a week. Lots of my friends have almost full time jobs, or take classes this summer, or do something productive with their time. Me? I have the same options, every single day. Watch movies, ride my bike, work outside, or fill out my 67th application for this summer. Ok, maybe there's a little more than that, but it feels like I have the same 5 options open to me every day while everyone else goes off and does productive stuff.

Here's a tricky part, remembering my train of thought, because I started this several hours ago but forgot that I was cooking, and now I'm trying to resume it. It's not looking like I'm going to remember what I was going to say though.

I had a conversation about Generation Y, and how we're going to make bank after it came up earlier this week and I googled it later. My mom had to chime in that Julie is a part of that generation too, but she's like the anti-generation Y, she's not gonna make a ton of money, she's not self motivated to make things work. She's just, there.

OH! And she's started cooking lately, because I keep getting more attention because of the stuff that I've been baking. I can't say she's bad at cooking, and some things even look alright, but she hasn't changed at all. My mom always told me that the difference between Julie and I when we cook is that she cooks for attention, secret ingredients, and strange recipes, while I cook for the joy of cooking and to show my affection and appreciation for people. She just tried to make some kind of dessert and hide coconut in it and make my mom guess what was in it.

I'm cleaning out my closet, there's so much junk in there. My goal is to keep about 40% of the stuff in there, and put the rest in a garage sale or to goodwill. I'm incredibly nostalgic, so it's really tough. I remember exactly where and when like 98% of the stuff in there came from. I'm also gonna make an ebay account to help get rid of the stuff that's collectors worth.

I don't have much else to say right now, got a text from the pest in my head, she's playing wheel of fortune and the answer was "Plaid Flannel Shirt" and she thought of me.

I'm really ready to be at Ball State and on my own again. I'm pretty much free to do whatever I please here, but it's different when you're actually at college. I don't know, I'm just tired of things the way they are right now.