My mom left on a flight to Kansas at 6:30 this morning, she'll be gone for 11 days this time around. My aunts and uncles in Kansas are getting really shitty, and I kind of don't want to be associated with them anymore. They all switch on and off going there to stay with my grandpa since my nana passed, and stay for about 2 weeks or so and just keep him company and stuff. I feel bad for not talking to him more, because I know that some days he doesn't see or talk to another person, and as sad as it is to think about, he's got maybe a year or so left, if that. But the way that the schedule works for people to go in and visit is everyone has a calendar of their commitments and whatnot, and obviously the ones with full-time jobs don't go as often, but next weekend is my family weekend, and I know my mom wanted to come up to see the marching band at the first home game, but she'll be in Kansas, and I don't want just my dad to come up because we just have an awkward relationship, he can't really figure me out and I've decided I want to be nothing like him. He and Julie were out at a hookah bar tonight, which I just find beyond bizarre, but I don't really care because it doesn't effect me.
Julie is looking at moving out too, finally. She just turned 22, and the idea of moving out just finally hit her. Apparently there's still people from her high school days that talk to her, and they're looking for a 3rd person to go in on a house. The basement could use some work, but they're gonna give her a deal if she takes the basement room. My mom said she'd be looking at about 200 dollars a month, plus utilities. When I was talking to my mom, part of me wanted to make it sound like she shouldn't do it, because she's not prepared enough. This is true, but as long as she still lives at home and has never lived on her own, it makes me look that much better. But if she moves out in the next month or two, that means around Christmas break my house might actually have a chance at being cleaned, and staying clean for more than a day. And when I'm home on breaks and stuff, I won't have to worry about walking into the bathroom and stepping onto an elevation of 8 inches of her dirty clothes. I'm all for her moving out now.
I really want to have another New Years party, it's been like 2 years. The problem is that I'm at the point that I have just the weirdest combination of friends that I would invite, because there's like 2 or 3 people from each of my groups of friends that I've stayed in touch with, on top of the generic Westfield people that I would want to invite so I could see them. It also makes it so that there would be way too many people at my house for me to deal with. And why hide it? I want to have a New Years party where if people want to get smashed and stay the night, they can, and I know that won't happen at my house because of my dad, my mom would probably be alright with it if I told her the details and whatnot, she's cool like that.
This weekend should be alright. I kind of wasted my Friday away, but I don't really care because once I finish this I'm going to go back to the fitness room in the basement for an hour before a shower and then bed. Tomorrow I have a retreat with the Statesmen, and as soon as I get done with them I'm going to go hop on a shuttle and spend the rest of my weekend with some friends in Anderson. I think it was yesterday, that I was walking somewhere, and I suddenly kind of missed it there. I have a strange habit of getting involved with things that aren't good for me, getting away, and then feeling pulled back into them. It's the addictive poison I've mentioned before. I'm going to take a walk through the music building when I get there, see who I bump into. Not really to gloat or anything, just to keep doors unlocked with certain individuals. That was possibly the only thing I look back with a positive memory of, is that the staff there were really accommodating and helpful when it came to helping students find opportunities. I'm not banking on seeing anyone key or anything, just the possible pass-by and then they realize they remember me or something.
I realize I haven't really talked about anything important this time around, just my life I suppose. I'm alright with it, because I find myself without anyone to really just sit down and talk to, something I alway take for granted until I don't have it. Despite all these people around me all the time, I feel just kind of generally lonely. I have friends here and people I can spend time with, but I'd really enjoy it if for once I didn't always have to go around and try to find plans to tag along with, I'd like to actually be invited for once because they thought that I'd be fun to have in the group. But now I'm bitching and whining about my life, which is cushy and fantastic compared to a lot of people.
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