Christmas in March

So turns out, that this is only the second time I've managed to post this year- kind of pathetic seeing as it's the last week of March, but what are ya gonna do about it?


I think this year is going to be a really good year to do some personal growth and realization, or at least that's what it's been thus far.

Note to Self, the men's a cappella group, has been getting mixed results, sometimes operating like a finely tuned(pun) machine, and other times operating like a bunch of snowmen in July(not a pun). I do my best to lead them in the best way that I know how, but it's hard when my right hand man is busy with his own academia, my music director doesn't agree with 75% of my methods, and my PR director is just MIA half the time. Not to mention that while most of the group really likes me, there's those few people that think I'm a total idiot, shouldn't be in charge, and do seemingly everything possible to be a disruption during rehearsal and force a spotlight on themselves. But all in all, the group is running much better than we were a year ago, and things look hopeful.

My classes this semester all turned out to be the kind of classes that are largely based solely on exams and projects. At one end, it's nice that I never have homework, but it sucks in that I am NOT a good test-taker, and my GPA this semester will likely reflect that. But it gives me plenty of free time to do other little projects.

I'm not really talking to my parents right now, it's kind of shitty actually. They never really got the chance to learn how to be parents of a child that's moved away from home because Julie never actually really moved away from home. As it turns out, they're really bad at it. They don't really know anything about my life right now, such as my struggles within Note to Self, what my classes are like, who my friends are, nor any detail about my romantic life. They just simply don't bother asking me, and I've told them that's why I'm mad at them, because they simply ignore me on the rare occasion that I come home for a weekend. When I got home for Spring Break, they were in the middle of a movie. My dad was legitimately mad that the movie had been paused for more than three minutes and started complaining- talk about knowing where you stand in the grand scheme. And then he has the nerve to act all sad when I leave and tell me how great it's been having me home. It's just gotten really bad, and I'm not looking forward to being home for the whole summer.

I can also say that I think I've experienced a broken heart for the first time in my life, it's not a fun experience, and it really just sucks fucking balls. Talking to someone daily for over four months, and intermittently for 2 years prior, and then just not talking to them whatsoever, just getting a cold shoulder, well it hurts and it's miserable and it's pretty damn hard to just not hate everything around you.

I guess it goes without saying, that after that last paragraph, that I was also in love. I still love her, that's what love it, and I guess love is also pain, patience too. It was the kind of love that just kind of hits you in the face, that she's your best friend and she's been right in front of you for years now. The first person you tell about good and bad news, the first person you think to tell about your day in the evening, the first person you think about when you wake up, that kind of love.

Aaron is showing me his counterpoint for next week, I didn't think it was that hard at first until he explained that he's singing one clef and playing piano on the other clef, I assumed he was playing piano on both parts, in which case it didn't look that bad. He also wanted to be mentioned in this post because he's such an avid reader of my blogs about my life haha.

I'm supposed to be doing community service hours, but I haven't done any in the last month, and I kind of don't know what to do about it, I kind of guess that I'm not going to do anything about it because I can't get any hours by Friday because all of the weekday hours fall during the times that I have classes.

Lately the world has been throwing my choice of major back into my face, and that all of my placement tests keep putting me in music and education. It's hard to dismiss it time after time, and I really think that I would enjoy being a media productions or possibly a composition major, especially considering that I've spent the better part of the last three days completely submerged in an arrangement that I've been working on. I've got songs plugged into audio programs to change tempo and pitch and a piano to my right so I can play along and then notate it into Finale, it's a really sweet set up and I honestly could do it for days on end, it's possibly the only positive aspect of my life right now.

In large, I'm pretty shitty right now, mentally I might be in the worst place I've been in for several years, but I'm not into the whole daily medication thing, regardless of what bullshit my doctor tries to feed me about them, so I'm just rolling with the punches for now, waiting for the sun to finally come out and for my life to come around. Until then, I'll keep trudging along as I do.