Not a Wall

So right now, I really wish that people took more consideration of my thoughts and feelings. It's more of an everyday little thing situation, but a few situations in particular.

I spent a large portion of the time period that you kind of decide who you are pretending that little things didn't even phase me, and tried to put up a pretty invincible front. It worked for a long, loooong time and it became me, I had an incredible and invincible mentality and attitude about everything I came across in life. Living that for almost 5 years was kind of awesome, but now it's that much more devastating when I find the little things that I can't ignore, and really hit below the belt. That leads to all the other little things I never noticed becoming a huge pain in the ass too.

I've not been on the top of my game for the last few months, and I know I blame Anderson for a lot- but that's probably a good part of it. I feel kind of lumpy and unrefined. I'm not at a breaking point, but I might shatter before the end of the summer if things don't turn around at least slightly.

I enjoy things, but nothing is really satisfying. There's just kind of a vital chunk of me that's missing, and I don't know what it is. I do lots of yard work, I try to make every 3rd day a day for nothing but being social and being with friends, I've starting noodleing around on my trumpet again, my room is almost back in order(something that it hasn't been in years). All these things should be at least somewhat satisfying I feel like, but they just aren't.

But on a brighter note, I guess it's a brighter note, I've really gotten back into baking. I'm still considering baking for hire for the rest of the summer, I think it'd be a really cool job. Just yesterday alone, I was told 6 times that I need to be a chef, forget the whole law school idea and go to culinary school and open a bakery. Despite being encouraging, that hit me hard, because it was really tough to decide that culinary school wasn't for me. I'm know it's in my to get myself through law school, and the perks are so much better, but I just don't know at all.

I found a quote a while ago that I felt like it fit for me lately. "Some build walls to keep people out, others build walls to see who cares enough to tear them down."

So there, that's my update.