Anxiety Attacks and Calf Cramps

So I had a terrible thought during my workout this evening, which I didn't think I would even have today.

I don't know what I want to do with my life.

I want to have the pretty standard American dream, but I don't have means to attain it. I don't know what I want to study, I don't know what I want to major in, and I don't know what I want to see myself do every single day.

I love doing lots of things, but once I start doing that every single day, I start to hate it. I think back to being a music major, and I think I could do it again, though I would want to start from scratch. But then I think, what would I actually want to do if I was a music major? I don't want to teach or deal with composing or recording or anything, I simply want to perform.

It was just in general not a good train of thought, because I don't have a single freaking clue what I'm going to do.

I don't particularly care about any of my classes, I just think of them as things to keep me busy during the day. I don't go above and beyond to study, I do the bare minimum of work that I need to.

I talk to all these other people and they're so dead set on knowing what they want to do, and it makes me feel even worse.

I've never been one to fall into a category or to follow a trend, but I'd love to fall into the trend of knowing what I want to major in. The people who know me best said they expect that I'm going to get my feet wet in every puddle along the way before I decide where I want to go, but I feel like I've stepped in a lot of puddles and my feet are starting to get pruned. I love living each day looking forward to a limitless potential, and it's actually kind of becoming me, but it would be nice to wake up one day and know exactly what my goals and potentials are.

It's a rough life, being an upper-middle class white male attending a reputable university where he has too many options and possibilities for him to narrow it down in a reasonable time frame.

That was me downsizing my problems, because I'm pretty fortunate if that's my problem.

As always, my life is really not that bad, it only seems like it is right now because I've always known what people expect of me, but now I'm the one who needs to set the expectations.