But I feel out of place, and I've felt like that for far too long now.
My house, now called the soul crusher, is often one of the last places I want to return to at the end of the day. I even think I'd be more comfortable sleeping in my car. I don't feel as if Im living with family as much as just three other people with totally separate lives that I just bump into throughout the day. I know it should bother me, but it doesn't. I have a better family in the friends that I see every day.
Some of this you can probably just look to an older post and find pretty much the same thing.
I feel so immature. Im so used to being the "adult" one and knowing exactly what to do, that when something comes up and I don't know what to do, I kind of freak out. This probably dates to the end of August, the feeling like a child, yada yada yada, nothing drastically different there.
At times, I get this feeling that makes the whole childish feeling bearable. Like I can't even breath for a moment. I know just what does it too.
Not sure how far this one goes back, but I still feel like Im with two people.
Band is just worse and worse and better and better. We're getting good, like formidable band good. We're holding our own with people who go to state on a regular basis. And going by a dream, which seem to be increasingly accurate, at regionals we'll either place 9th, or beat 9 bands, Im not psychic, yet.
I just want to get life figured out again. Because feeling on top of it feels pretty awesome, and I know what Im missing.
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