So I woke up after having nightmares, which I rarely have but luckily these were far too unrealistic to be any kind of fore-sight like my dreams tend to be. Well these were straight-up nightmares, which maybe that's an even worse sign than flat out seeing what's gonna happen, because it's so bad that my subconscious doesn't know how to show me. But either way, I didn't sleep well, despite what was floating through my head while I was drifting off. A stomachache to top off the morning.
Well the whole day felt strange, but I tried to make it work, but didn't really. So I got home, tried to do some school work. Then I decided to take a nap. For like 40 minutes the rest of my family for some reason would NOT leave me alone, so I stated that the next person to wake me up from the delicate balance between sleep and awake was going to get yelled at, which even scares me because I've never yelled as loud as I can.
I awoke from my nap after the garage door went down, so I figured I would just get up from my nap then. Well, while sitting at my computer I hear my sister's car door open, which I thought was mildly strange because she doesn't normally go anywhere. I look out and what do I find her doing? Smoking. Yeah, smoking. The single most Repulsive habit that society has. Like I hate smokers enough that even if my wife of 30 years began to smoke, I would leave her in an instant. There's nothing that I can't tolerate like tobacco. Ugh. So I didn't know what to do. But I dare say that the best idea possible popped into my head.
My digital camera was right there in front of me so I grabbed it and got 5 minutes of her smoking recorded, then up on facebook as quickly as I could. Tomorrow I plan on telling EVERYONE.
My logic. She's clearly trying to hide it, meaning that she's embarrassed by it, meaning WHY THE FUCK IS SHE SMOKING?!? I mean, I don't do anything that I wouldn't be fine with people knowing, and if I keep something a secret, I would still be fine if people knew. So I can't stand to even look at her, because now that she smokes she's nothing but white trash and a blemish on the Steele name, a name that I spend way too much time trying to fix.
So Im done with that.
On saturday while marching onto the field for our show, I looked at something that I have never looked at before, in all four years of marching band. I looked right at the very instrument in front of me, and thought of all the things I've accomplished because of it. But while I was looking at it, closer than I've ever looked before. I noticed something. I saw myself staring back, for the first time I saw my performance face, and all the things I've worked for looking right back at me, and the trust that people had put in me through all those years to be the best that I can be, and all those people telling me to kick some ass, because it's your time now, and there wont be a second chance after this one. You blow it now you blow it for the last time. That was just such an eye opening thing, because looking at others while they mentally set themselves for a show is one thing, but to see yourself, it's really something. I looked back at myself when I had the chance, and never did I see that determination flicker even once. And for the first time, I felt like I was acknowledged by myself and not just the people around me, and that's a pretty sweet feeling.
And of course. What would a post be without the constant thing.
Im sick of waiting, Im sick of guessing, and Im sick of competing. Im not going to sit on my hands in the corner and watch things leave my playing field and go into another's field, especially two. So for now, Im in a rare mood, and possibly somewhat sneaky, because Im gonna find something out.
On a second thought though. I could just go out on a limb. The whole sneaky thing is a bad impression type of thing. So I might just go and do something. Limbs are fun, but Im terrified of heights, but then again, the things that rest on those limbs are worth the risk of a few bumps and bruises.
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