"Today, my daughter and I were in the car, listening to the radio. She turns to me and says, "Why does everyone sing about love? Why don't they make songs about normal things, like cheese and sandwiches?" I don't know, dear. MLIA"
"Today, I witnessed my 7-year-old sister standing up to a bully at the playground, who was making fun of her asian eyes. Before I could get there to stop him, my sister kicked the kid in the balls, and stood over him saying "Yeah, my eyes are squinty, but you can't have kids anymore. Loser." I feel she will do great things in the future. MLIA"
"Today, to humor my little sister, I was watching JONAS with her. It was some episode where they were hunting a ghost. Nick was 'captured' by the ghost in the middle of it, and as they were searching for him, Kevin cried "Check the closet!" I'm glad that even Disney knows where to find the Jonas Brothers. MLIA"
"Today, I was waiting at a rather deserted bus stop very late at night. Three big ghetto guys approached and asked for directions. One of them started to cross the street, but the other two grabbed him and said "No, man, you gotta look both ways before you cross the street." Good to know that gangsters are concerned about street safety, too. MLIA"
"Today I was chatting online with a friend who lives down the hallway. He "nudged" me, so I "nudged" him. Five seconds later he ran into my room, yelled "NUDGE", pushed me off my chair, and ran off. The war has now begun. MLIA"
"Today I had to pick up my twin sister's 8 year olddaughter up from school early to take her to the dentist. When I got to her class she was in the middle of a verbal spelling test. The teacher asked "How would you spell cough?" My neice replied, "C-O-F-F. Cough." "Well, the dictionary would say it was "C-O-U-G-H." My neice looked confused for a moment and then said "Yes, but you asked my how I'D spell it, not the dictionary. I walked in and gave her a high-five. MLIA"
"Today, my mom told me that when I was little, I loved playing on my nintendo at night, so she would have to check on me every 15 minutes to make sure I wasn't playing it. A few months later, she figured out that I had been setting my alarm clock to go off every 14 minutes, and I would play it until the alarm went off, then pretend to be asleep. Way to go, little me. MLIA"
"Today, I was humming the Mission Impossible theme song as I was walking through Target. Suddenly a guy walked by humming the James Bond theme song. We both paused and stared at one another, then he made a gun with his fingers and shot me. Touche, 007, touche. MLIA"
"The other day in class, I noticed the kid next to me had written 'Gee, I'm a Tree" on his binder instead of "geometry". I will never spell it the normal way again. MLIA"
"A little while ago, my friend translated "liar, liar, pants on fire" into French and then back into English. The result was "Teller of untruths, your trousers have combusted." Today, while standing in line at the check out, a woman tried to convince the cashier that she didn't owe $5.67 but only $4.89. I calculated quickly in my head and immediately blurted out "Teller of untruths, your trousers have combusted!" Best part: The woman screamed and looked. The cashier was crying from laughter. So was the cop standing behind me. MLI"
"Today, I opened a package of cookies, and told myself I was only going to take two. I started to pull one out and four were stuck together. I decided not to break their bond and took all four. MLIA"
"Today, me and my boyfriend went clothes shopping for him. As he was trying on a coat, he felt something in the pocket. He proceeded to take whatever the item was out of the pocket. It was a potato. Never have I been more confused. MLIA"
I kind of love this website now.
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