Green Shells

...

I feel, so incredibly worthless right now, and there was nothing today that should have made me feel like that, at least not this bad.

Lets run through the day.

Band was band, no problems there.

Next was prob and stats, a bit stressed about keeping up, but still nothing too bad.

Lit & Comp we just finished a movie and talked about our next book.

Vocal, alright, I will say that Wessel super pissed me off today.

Im going to the choir room from Mr. Wachtel's room. Not that hard. Only thing is that in that class I don't leave early because often times he is talking up until the bell, and I don't want to miss anything, so thus I leave when the bell rings. Next, it's incredibly difficult to get through the hallways. The school only has one working elevator, and both Tim's locker and my locker are on the second floor, on the other side of the building from the one working elevator. Add in the factor that people that don't need the elevator use it and I then have to wait on it often times. By the time that Tim and I get down there to the Choir room, Im easily 5 minutes late. Yesterday Wessel bitched at me that I was too late, and that I have no excuse to be so late with 8-BY THE WAY, THERE ARE NOT WESSEL- people coming from the same class. I can't help it that they all say they'll push me, and then all leave. And regardless of who would be pushing me, I still have to go to my locker, which is still on the second floor, which is still only accessible by the one elevator that is far away from it, which is still just as far from the choir room. It's not like Im just sitting around in the hallways chatting.

Im basically done caring about choir now, I can't stand it. Right now, if I could quit, I would without a doubt. I took freaking online classes so I could make it fit into my schedule. It never matters what I do, Im always the one to blame in choir, every time something goes wrong. I tested it actually. There was a period of 8 days straight that the only time I spoke was when it pertained to the music. And each day, Wessel still stared at me every time something went wrong, every time someone wouldn't shut up, every time somebody didn't have their music. So right now, Im in a fuck it mood about that class. It's not like I can fail it. I mean, I don't know what else I can do to show that I care, I was in the ER the night before we had a performance and still managed to get there, drugged up and all. Did Wessel care? Nope. And for the record Wessel, different medications have different side effects on different people. Vicadin is a pain reliever, just because it makes most people tired doesn't mean it makes all people tired. The nurse at the ER flat out said that it would do one of two things. Make me incredibly tired, or make me incredibly hyper and over active- then incredibly tired. Just because you don't seem to believe that does not make it a lie for me to act out. If I want to move Kent's chair, I will, whatever drug Im on has nothing to do with it, and to call me out in front of the class and essentially call me a liar was unprofessional and made you look like a real bitch to me. If you happen to be in Vocal, Im sorry. Im still going to sing in class, but otherwise I don't give a shit. Im not going to make any strides to get better, not going to review my music out of class anymore. Im getting my A, and that's all the effort I plan to put into it.

Government was fine.

Nothing for bonus period, so Collin was wheeling me around and it was innocent fun.

Then Adams decided to bitch me out about how she said I couldn't be in the wheelchair. For starters, yesterday you said that I couldn't be in the wheelchair to perform, despite how I explained that Im unable to understand the mechanics of crutches. She never once yesterday mentioned that my being in a wheelchair was unsafe for others, was pulling up her stage tape, was slowing down the whole production, techies and all. Sorry for my injury being a burden, I didn't sleep in my own bed for 3 nights because I couldn't get up the stairs. I still can't drive my car. I think I of all people know what a burden it is. Then you told me that I had to get rid of the wheelchair, that I couldn't have it backstage in the dressing rooms. Yeah, because I can just make wheelchairs disappear at your fucking whim Adams. My plans were to stay off of my foot through wednesday, so that I could eliminate as many chances to mess it up again as I could. But no. I got to spend the next 5 hours feeling like I was going to vomit at any minute because I took extra vicodin so I would be able to walk.

I then left rehearsal early because I had to run a chem show at the intermediate school. Other than feeling like I was going to vomit the whole time, it went pretty good. And again, people- strangers- asked what I was doing once I graduated, and urged me to go into education, as well as telling McLean to grab me and get me into education. Look, I've considered teaching since 2nd grade, but there's no money in it at all, so there's your answer life.

That's enough of a word-baby for tonight. I didn't even touch on anything even close to important. So tomorrow, I plan on being rather shut down. Because I can't get in trouble for doing nothing. But, knowing me, I probably will.

Sometimes, I wish my parents had only spoken to me in a british accent when I was little. That way, its what I would have picked up on, and I would speak like I was british.