Bowling Shoes

I had no intentions of doing anything tonight, that was until I realized just what kind of friends I really have. I counted two, just two, friends that I feel that I can still trust without fail. That's down from like 15.

Was supposed to go to a play in Broadripple tonight, I had heard it was decent, not the best though, but I still had intentions to see it. I went to 6 plays over the summer, alone. I have decided that I would not go alone to another. I asked some of my friends, one gave no reply what-so-ever and why should that even surprise me. Another was flat out busy. One was 50/50 if he was going to have to be somewhere, and he was needed in the end. And the last seemed actually interested, until they suddenly had to take their little brother and sister to go see a showing of Harry Potter at 6, strange when the only showings are at 12:15, 3:45, and 8:00. Long story short, I did not go to the play.

I was also invited to go bowling, so I thought I would go there. After getting somewhat confusing directions I found my way there. Not anyones fault, the alley is somewhat hidden by like 4 large buildings. I was greeted by one running hug, 2 waves, and then an attempted hug. The rest of them, maybe a glance. As I sit, Im greeted with a type of silence that told me right away that I wasn't wanted there. I didn't bowl, I didn't want to spend the money, and I don't particularly like Woodland, it gives me a headache. It was a long hour or so.

On the way back I was thinking, its about a 15 minute drive home, so it was sufficient time. I don't think I've ever wanted to push away so many people in my life. Just the pure frustration I felt with the people in mind, some of the people closest to me in my life. I felt like I wanted them out of my life, somewhere I would never have to see them, speak to them, or think of them ever again.

Then a second thought came. It was along the lines of this. Holy Shit, why would I want that? These are the people I would do anything for. Then a third thought. These are the people who lie to you and keep secrets from you, and you specifically. Then a fourth thought. Go back to the first thought, that's the right idea. Then there were no more thoughts.

Collin. Bret. I totally doubt you will ever see this. But thanks to you, for actually having a pair and always being upfront with me, no matter what it was. Thanks to you for never trying to keep things from me. Thanks to you for being there for me when I was at the edge and needed someone to talk to.

To the rest? For now, fuck off, because right now I just want to be alone.