From the Holes in my Head

So. I've felt really shitty since like, late thursday of last week, but being a guy I looked the other way and kept going. I suppose that's a downfall of my gender, I would rather keep a front that I am totally fine and be miserable on the inside than show even momentary fault that Im not invincible. Well after a day of school, which really wasn't that bad, I made a doctors appointment. During this doctors appointment I learned that I have a sinus and an ear infection, oh boy. So after being totally drained from a day that began 4 hours earlier than the days preceding it, I returned home and slept. I slept for four hours, not in a bed mind you, but the first place I sat down.

This leaves me at home for the evening, missing the last game night of the summer with the college kids, who I will see maybe one more time this calendar year if I am lucky.

While sleeping, a lot goes through your head. Maybe that means I wasn't actually sleeping, maybe just toning everything down for a while, be it those thoughts were quite linear. But I may have realized something, and I may have realized that I realized nothing, Im not decided yet.

What I know is that we probably just missed a very good storm that missed us to the south. I know that Im the person I am because of all the dumb little things I have done, the things that overshadow some of the biggest events in my life, the things I'll laugh about 10 years from now. Im going to try to avoid being that guy who thinks he's really deep and centered, because to my knowledge I am not. Im the guy who's bipolar one hour, then seems drunk and ends the day in a blaze that he just took ecstasy. At least that's what I think can describe me. And it's funny how much the brain thinks ahead. I sat down meaning to write about how lousy I feel, and now Im trying to analyze the things around me. So I will end this blog post.