Main Battery Low

So I remembered why I started this blog. because I wanted to remember important things from my senior year, so guess where Im heading with this.

3rd week of school. I messed up my back really good somehow, 6 some mis-aligned vertebrae, yeah. Vocal Jazz is super fun. Geo is alright, on friday I took a test that I didn't review for one bit after staying home the day before, so Im expecting a very low grade. Econ is good fun, Im married now thanks to that class. AP Lit I like, but I still feel like Im not in my domain, I think that Im by far one of the dumbest people in that class. I suck at grammar, everyone in there uses words that I have no idea what they mean, I leave that class each day with a list, longer than the day prior, of words Im going to look up that night. Whenever I think I found something brilliant in the text, it turns out that everyone else noticed it too, about 15 minutes before I did. Then band. Oh band, I've never had a more dramatic year than this one so far. I kind of hate it. I'm kind of out of control some days, and I know that, but I just want the trumpets to be what they're capable of, and some of them don't like how hard I push them. It's really obvious when there's two people that will always ask my right hand man what to do instead of me that they're sick of me. That's school.

I've used juggling and a spinning table, and I don't feel like any more analogies today.

So. Im down to two wild cards, I think. I really don't know what to do with them, or even why I feel that it's such a big deal. I just really don't know what to do, about anything really. Like, sometimes I get a feeling from both, and sometimes I get a totally opposite feeling from both.

But with things coming up, I feel like I might have to pick soon. Each one having it's individual plusses and minuses . Another problem is that I would like to actually tell someone about this situation, but I've had issues with my confides in the past, and have few remaining. Both of the persons involved I would normally be able to confide in, but it would be awkward somewhat, because both are involved. And the other confides aren't totally taking the hint that they're like one question away, and I don't know how much longer I'll wait. And I have one default confide, that I can tell anytime, but with a cost, a cost that within a week 4 other people will know, then they each tell 3-5, and then I have random people asking me questions if it's true or not.

Things were easier being younger, when this stuff didn't matter, and I'm not even old yet.